Remember when we went on tour together and fell in love, and then we wrote a song about it.
Thats the life of a popstar.
"And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you
And the coffee's out
At the Beachwood Café
And it kills me 'cause I know...
The days felt longing and boring. After we traveled from the Philippians we headed straight to Singapore. Those shows were as liberating and exciting as usual, but after I left the stage I brought back to the reality of confusion and hurt.
The worse part about these feelings though is I brought them to myself. Harry never brought be hurt and heartbreak yet, but I knew it would follow him.
We were in Hong Kong and it was a beautiful city. Sadly, I cannot see to much of it. As soon as we landed, I was brought to my hotel room. Luckily, I would not have to worry about seeing Harry, since he was in another hotel.
Speaking of Harry, I have been completely ignoring him. Whenever I saw him nearing, I would make a quick escape. I was not trying to hurt his feelings, but I did not know what else to do. I needed to protect myself, but I was hurting anyway just being away from him. The dozens of texts and sweet voicemails he left did not help either.
I needed to be strong though.
I had to be strong.
I had to just keep reminding myself that we both were not ready for something like that. For fucks sakes, I did not even know what he wanted. For all I know I could just be a quick fuck to rebound him from his breakup.
I hope that is not the type of person he is, but in reality I do not know that much about him. Those last few times we went out together he told be about his friends, family, and funny tour moments back when he was in one direction. Ok, well maybe I did know a lot about him, but it has not even been a month.
"I do not know why you are ignoring me, but I hope to see your beautiful face tonight. Um, see you later, sunflower."
I felt a tear run down my cheek as I listened to his voicemail he left me this morning. All I wanted to do was jump in his arms and go back to where we were, but I can't. I am falling and I am falling too fast for him. He might break my heart. No, he would break my heart.
I wiped another tear from my cheek as I rose from my bed and started to get ready for the night. Tonight I knew it was going to be harder to keep my distance from him, since the back stage area was a bit smaller. I would have to try my best.
I walked over to my restroom and collected some of my toiletries. I also grabbed my tampons and shit. Maybe, that is why I am being overly emotional. Fuck periods.
After I grabbed everything I needed, I walked back out to my room and grabbed my phone. I looked down at my phone to see another text from the one and only.
Harry: We need to talk, no hiding this time. x
I sighed heavily before hovering my fingers over the messaging button. I knew I was acting like I child, but I knew this is what I needed. I took a deep breathe before deleting his message and grabbing the remainder of my stuff and walking out the hotel door.
I needed to focus on my career, not my damn feelings for someone, who does not feel the same way.
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{sydney.cross) Outfit for my people who live in Hong Kong :)
