POPSTAR; harry styles

{29}

📍Tokyo, Japan

As I walked down the streets of Tokyo, I looked around at my surroundings. There were not many people outside, because it was so late. The bright lights shined onto the streets, as the colorful buildings brought me back to a slight amount of happiness.

The cool air calmed me down. After my performance, I immediately rushed towards my dressing room and changed quickly. Usually I would watch Harrys performance afterwards, but I could not bring myself to.

I changed into some sweats and silenced my phone. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted time to think.

I have been feeling so suffocated lately. I needed to get out. All of my emotions were coming to a boiling point and I did not know what to do. There was no one for me to talk to.

Whenever I have been stressed before, I would just deal with it and get busy, so I would not think about it. Probably not the healthiest way of coping, but it worked.

This was different though. I did not know how to handle this type of heartbreak. Whenever my mom died I never really took the time to cope properly. I just always made sure my father was ok. I never really took the time for myself to sit down and cry. Kathrine would always try and encourage me to talk to her, but that would not have helped.

I knew deep down that she was only trying to help, but I did not want to put so much responsibility on her. There was no way she could help me. She has a loving mother and father, a younger brother, and an older sister. It was just me and my dad. I was never close with my dad in the first place, but people say tragedy brings families closer together, well they were wrong about that.

Whenever I tried to help my dad, he would just push me away and drink. I was useless. Now, we barely talked, unless he needed some type of money. It hurts to know that your only parent does not want anything to do with you.

This type of heartbreak with Harry is different. I do not have anyone to distract myself with. Kathrine is across the world from me, my dad does not talk to me, and Kurtis never even approved of me and Harrys "relationship." It was just me and my feelings.

My feelings.

Feelings are scary. This was my first time having this strong of feelings for anyone. I did not know what to do with them. They won't go away, even if that is all I want. I wish I could just cry them out, but that is sadly not how it works. I wish it was.

All I want to do is forget all my feelings that I have for Harry, but it does not happen over night.

If only it was that easy.

The cold breeze blew my hair in front of my face, so as I pushed it behind my ear I stopped to look where I was.

I was not sure where I was. I was lost in the city of Tokyo. Tokyo is a beautiful city. All of the colors, buildings, signs, and people. There is so much to look at and uncover.

As I skipped through the alley I was in, I looked at all the buildings. Some in dark brown shades and some in bright colors.

I stopped at a bright yellow building with a sunflower painted to the side of the building. I stared at the beautiful sunflower and sighed heavily.

Sunflowers

All the memories of me and Harry in the sunflower field came rushing back to me and all I wanted to do was fall to the ground and cry. The bright yellow building reminded me of the building me and Harry took pictures at in Thailand. I felt a single tear drop down my cheek. I quickly brushed it away, and turned around to sit down in front of the building.