Sherlock - The Game Is On!

The Abominable Bride- Six

Chapter Six

Third POV

Holmes and Watson approach a building, with the sign at the side of its entrance. The Diogenes Club. Inside, a glass sign hangs above the reception desk stating, 'ABSOLUTE SILENCE'. Holmes and Watson walk in and approach the desk, and Holmes smiles at the elderly uniformed gentleman standing behind it, who raises an acknowledging finger to him.

Holmes puts his gloves into his coat pocket, then uses sign language to communicate with the receptionist, signing: "Good morning, Wilder. Is my brother in?" Wilder nods and signs back: "Naturally sir. It's breakfast time." Holmes signs: "The Stranger's Room?" Wilder nods, implying: "Yes, sir." Holmes gestures towards Watson, then signs: "This gentleman is my guest." Wilder looks at Watson and signs: "Ah Yes! Dr Watson, of course. Enjoyed 'The Blue Carbuncle', sir."

Holmes looks towards Watson and rolls his eyes, then elbows him and nods. Looking a little nervous, Watson signs to Wilder: "Thank you. I... Am... Glad... You... Liked it. You are very... Ugly." Holmes does a double take in his direction, and Wilder frowns and signs: "I beg your pardon?" Watson signs: "Ugly. What you said about 'The Blue Fishmonger'. Very ugly... I am glad you liked my potato."

Wilder looks a little bewildered and throws a nervous glance at Holmes, who smiles ruefully at Watson and signs to him: "Yes. Needs work, Watson. Too much time spent on dancing lessons."

"Sorry, what?" Watson speaks aloud. Rolling his eyes, Holmes turns and walks away. Watson looks awkwardly at Wilder. "Oh." He turns his head and watches Holmes for a moment, then turns back to look at Wilder. Giving him an embarrassed thumbs up with his left hand, he follows Holmes who opens the door to a room in which, with his back to the door, an extremely corpulent man sits wedged into a chair. On either side of the chair are several tables loaded with all sorts of food, including puddings, cakes, pork pies and a huge roasted ham.

The man is rubbing his fingers together as he chews on his latest mouthful. "To anyone who wishes to study mankind, this is the spot." Watson closes the door while Holmes walks round to face his brother. "Handy, really, as your ever expanding backside is permanently glued to it. Good morning, brother mine."

"Sherlock. Doctor Watson." Mycroft muffles through a chewing mouth. Watson stands by Holmes side, staring in horror at all the food surrounding Mycroft, but then notices that he is holding out his very pudgy hand to him. He takes Mycroft's hand and shakes it. "You look... Well, sir."

"Really? I rather thought I looked enormous." He picks up a glass of port and drinks from it. "Well, now you mention it, this level of consumption is incredibly injurious to your health. Your heart..."

"No need to worry on that score, Watson." Holmes clips in. "No?"

"There's only a large cavity where that organ should reside."

"It's a family trait."

"Oh, I wasn't being critical." Holmes replied. "If you continue like this, sir, I give you five years at the most." Holmes and Mycroft raise their eyebrows at the former doctor. "Five? We thought three, did we not, Sherlock?"

"I'm still inclined to four."

"As ever, you see but you do not observe. Note the discolouration in the whites of my eyes, the visible rings of fat around the corneas..." Pointing to his eyes. "Yes, you're right. I'm changing my bet to three years, four months and eleven days."

"A bet?!"

"I understand your disapproval, Watson, but if he's feeling competitive it is perfectly within his power to die early."