Chase You -1- Formula 1

73. Does that give you an excuse to be rude? No, so stfu

Short chapter, low-key hate it x.
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My life went on, unlike the one of my sister. I was expected in Hungary exactly two days after she passed. I skipped media day and the first practice session, but I didn't mind being in the car. It actually distracted me a little from all the things going on in my life. Annabel got me a therapist, who recommended me to do something else than think about Sophia, but I could've told myself that as well. I still needed to bond with my therapist, but we clicked, so it was only a matter of time before I would open up to her.

I had crashed my car into the wall in practice two and three. It was low-key embarrassing. However, it was nothing the mechanics couldn't fix within half an hour. I just caused a lot of damage. I broke my front-wing twice and during qualifying my engine blew up. For the first time in my F1 career, I'd start from the pitlane.

"What the hell went wrong there?" Kate asked me as we walked through the paddock. I hadn't spoken to her before this moment and I honestly avoided her until now. I couldn't stay away from the paddock after qualifying, even though Bethari managed to talk me out of the media duties that she planned for the weekend. I had avoided the press whenever possible, but that didn't give me a reason to not speak to my friend.

"I don't know," I sighed, I didn't look Kate in the eyes. I hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed. I mean, my performance was terrible, it was even worse than crashing into half the grid in the British Grand Prix. Not that this prevented us from scoring points, we still had an opportunity to do so tomorrow. "My mind is in the wrong places lately."

"Why?" She asked. I hadn't told her about Sophia either and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to. The last thing I craved for was for people to treat me differently because of my sisters passing. Of course, it had an impact on me, but letting everyone know felt so wrong, as if I took advantage of the whole situation. What if things leaked out and the drivers would go easy on me on track? Then I couldn't prove myself to Ferrari and I could say ciao to my seat.

I might have had a little argument with Mattia over the phone about Joey, I wanted to keep Joey as my engineer and that wasn't stated in my contract specifically. I couldn't leave Joey behind at Sauber, he followed me through the ranks, now we were so close to our dream, I couldn't risk to give him up. I did put my Ferrari seat in danger because of him, but the worst thing in my life had already happened. At the moment, my seat was the last thing I worried about. Not that I didn't want to race for Ferrari next season.

"Dais, why?" She repeated. I apparently zoned out again. "What is going on?"

"I lost my sister," I mumbled, not looking Kate into her eyes.

"Oh, where did you last see her, maybe we can find her somewhere? Did you try calling her?"

"She is dead," I said, to make things a little more clear. She clearly didn't understand what I meant, though I considered it to be really dumb to automatically assume I lost Sophia as if we were playing hide and seek. "Don't tell anyone okay? I will probably make a statement after the race. To make things more easier for anyone. It's almost summer break, people will have forgotten it by Belgium."

"I am so sorry for your loss," Kate said, wrapping an arm around me. "How do you feel?" I shrugged as a response. I honestly expected to be sadder, instead, I just felt numb. There were few things that brought me temporary joy, which were seeing Tanya and Lando argue and the coffee George bought for me as a consolation.

I did tell George about Sophia. We had planned out our trip to Greece of course, so it only seemed fair to tell him in person. I also told Alex. So now our little friend group all knew about my sisters passing. They were the only ones that also met Soph and knew her as a person, so I didn't want to come across as rude and announce something like that on my Instagram. I debated if I needed to tell Charles too. With us having dated for a while, he experienced the phases of Sophia's sickness from up close, closer than either George or Alex. Though we didn't date anymore, so I still needed to figure this one out.

"I don't feel awesome," I told Kate. "I still need to process all of this. I was shocked at first and now I just feel like- the fewer people that know, the better. I mean, she still alive in their minds so that makes her alive in mine."

"You make no sense." Kate furrowed her brows, shaking her head.

"I don't know either," I admitted. "It's a weird concept. Like, when I'm not at home with mum, it feels like nothing happened because I am not present there. It could easily be another weekend where Soph and mum are watching the race from home."

"But when you're there it's different," Kate added. I nodded in confirmation. She was right. When I was home, the gloomy vibes were there. Here in the paddock, no one except for a few people knew what went on, so things stayed the same as they usually were. As if Sophia hadn't passed.

I knew that my sister's death wouldn't have as much impact on the others as it had on me, though I didn't expect Lando to be suffering this much as well. He performed awful in that car this weekend, he only didn't crash or struggled with the bad luck I had, just based on performance only, I had higher expectations at the beginning of this weekend.

Kate and I talked some more about a lighter subject than Sophia's death. Bursting out in crying in the middle of the paddock would be a little too suspicious for my liking and the spotlights that would be focussed on me were the last thing I wanted right now.

Kate and I had parted ways after she remembered she had to do some things in the Mercedes garage and I got a call from Mattia again, hearing he wanted to talk about my contract, so first of all, I needed to find Beth somewhere. I couldn't possibly negotiate without my beloved manager.

"One year, two million and Joseph Calvino as your engineer," Mattia read out loud from a paper. This was what Bethari had proposed to him and we wouldn't do it for less, apparently. I actually liked my three million euros, but keeping Joey as my engineer cost a little too much as we had to fire the other dude and place him at Sauber. "What do you have to offer?"

"Hey, you're literally the ones trying to get me, not vice versa," I said, raising my hands in defence. "I have proven myself on track, I'm busy carrying the entirety of Sauber on my back, to add I'm literally an academy driver. Your team has wanted me ever since I was a teenager. Let's not pretend I have to convince you to sign me, you already offered me a contract."

"Daisy, calm down," Beth whispered, making me roll my eyes. She forced a smile and grabbed a few papers. "We can work on her attitude." I shook my head, she had been trying to fix my non-existent image for the past few years and she never succeeded. In that perspective, she wasn't the greatest manager. "Daisy is also going to therapy now, we won't have any emotional problems in the near future. Once that is solved out you have the best driver on the grid."

"After Lewis Hamilton," I corrected, making Bethari snap her head at me. "See, I'm also honest! Perfection, right?" I nodded as an answer to my own question. Mattia looked at me like I was one of his failed strategies, pretty damn confused. "You want me on the team? Step up your game."

"As I said before, we are working on the attitude issues," Bethari smiled. "And the other things. If necessary I will let her go through media training again, but it's a shame to let a driver like Daisy go because of an engineer that doesn't know how to communicate."

"You have a point there," Mattia sighed. "I will consider your proposal, you will hear from me later." I forced a smile and Bethari and I got excused to leave Mattia's office.

Once we were outside, I asked her the following: "I guess that went pretty well huh?" To which she shook her head and let out a deep sigh.

"I am blaming this on Sophia, but your mental state is all over the place," Beth said. "You sounded like you were drunk! At least he is considering you, things could've gone a lot worse." I shrugged, there were only a few things that mattered nowadays. I was sure if I scored a few points tomorrow, I would get that seat. No one needed to stress, worse things happened.

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A/n: It's just a little filler chapter because I wasn't up to date with my other book and I needed to pass some time here. Anyway, I hate this but I didn't have any time to rewrite. So, here we go.

I'm going back to school on Monday lmao, I don't wanna, but I'm forced to. So that's a cool story. Uh yeah that's it. Idk what I wanna say, I'm literally so tired so I'm going to sleep. Adios I guess.

x Meg