Chase You -1- Formula 1

36. Birthday: a day to celebrate you haven't died in the last year

A/n: this chapter almost contains 4000 words, that's a lot so buckle up. Apologies for my dirty mind at the end.

I glanced in the mirror and took a deep breath. Was 19 so much different? I hadn't noticed a thing that possibly indicated me ageing up. I never felt this lonely on my birthday, even when all my people would sit downstairs in the living room in a few hours. The fact that David would marry someone who also had the same age as his daughter felt so wrong, it made me sick to be honest. It also explained the way I felt. It really made an impact and I hated myself for that. That asshole still found a way to control me and get into my head. at least January was a nice month without manipulative people. I hid the letter underneath my pillow, afraid of mum her reaction. Of course, she'd say she's fine with it, but I imagined it to be weird for her. An ex-husband doesn't marry a 19-year-old every day, at least not in a legal way.

I knew I needed to pretend I had no clue what went on downstairs and act surprised. I couldn't care less and I absolutely hated the idea of a deluxe breakfast. I appreciated all the hard work my family put in, but the last thing I wanted was to eat. My stomach hurt and I just felt freaking sick, all because of some stupid invitation to a stupid wedding. I hoped I wouldn't hurt Charles' feelings too much by saying I'd go with Lando instead, but to be honest, in this case, I needed to put myself first.

As usual, I wrote a piece in my diary, I forbade myself to look back at the pieces I wrote the years before, so I could cringe even harder at my mindset and innocence. After an hour of writing, my hand hurt and I managed to stain ink on my bedsheets and arms. I'd read these pages on my twenty-first birthday, that's what I said now, but the chance that I altered that number existed. First I'd read them at 18, however, I didn't want to get confronted with my past and just picked out another milestone. If it continued the way it did, I'd have my best friend read this on my funeral.

I sighed, leaving my room to the kitchen. As expected, they covered the entire table with food. I forced a smile identical to a genuine one, no one would find out. Or that's what I thought, it's been a while since I plastered the perfect smile on my face, since most of the time the laughs were real.

"Fucking finally!" Sophia let out, already earning a stern look from mum. "I'm starving!" She rubbed over her belly. Her hunger was an annoying side effect of her medication, so she basically felt the need to eat all the time. The crumbs on her plate convinced me she already ate something, but now had to wait for me before she ate all. I noticed she gained some weight, it's obviously been a few weeks since I properly saw her, so this came as a big shock actually. "I'm awake since three am, all this time waiting for food..."

"You should sleep at that hour," mum said as she brought a tray full of hot drinks with her. She put it down on the nicely decorated table and sighed while she sat down.

"Tell that to those two over there," Sophia pointed at Charles and me. I gasped and then clenched my bottom lip between my teeth. My boyfriend's eyes widened and we shared a look. Sabrina drew the attention back to her by starting to sing happy birthday. I tried to stop her, but she continued with putting me in the spotlight.

"Happy birthday to you!" They chanted. Maybe, in some way, I could manage to avoid the song when my family and friends came over. Sabrina pulled me into a hug and smiled when done with singing, she had the voice of an angel, so I felt more blessed than embarrassed. "Hooray!"

We all started eating when a few notifications popped up on my phone. I ignored them for now, but after the breakfast, which included strawberries dipped in chocolate, croissants and waffles, I took the time to respond to some people who actually remembered my birthday. I hadn't posted something yet and Beth and I discussed to do that later today. She'd also show up at my little celebration, so in that way, she could take some pictures that might be funny. Despite my silence on social media, the official F1 account congratulated me, to which I had to reply in the nicest way possible. My old team and my fellow racing driver friends all had a way to draw attention to me. Which varied from old photos, embarrassing ones or a normal picture in which I genuinely looked decent in.