35. Is this goodbye?

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a few weeks later

things were going well between you and Chris, even tho you weren't a couple, you definitely acted like it. tho the closer you came to your contract expiring, the more Chris seems to pull back. you really wished he would realize he didn't want to live without you. but maybe you were the only one who thought about it like that.

Chris' pov

"what's on your mind today?" y/n asked you. you've been wishing that time moved slower for days now. because every second came closer to y/n's contract expiring, and to be honest you didn't want her to leave. "nothing" you say smiling to her. "we need to talk about my contract, it's expiring in a few days" she says softly, like she somehow knew that you were thinking about the same thing right now. "yeah" you tell her sighing. "tonight?" she asks you. you softly nod. "I'm gonna get Lils from school, and I promised her to go get ice cream after" she tells you. "have fun" you tell her before she leaves.

you sit down on the couch, not able to think about anything else but y/n. god you wished she would stay but wouldn't that just be selfish. you loved how happy she was the last couple days, and you could actually see a life with her, which scared the shit out of you. she was still so young, did she really know what she was getting in to.

after thinking about it for a long time you decided to not let her stay. to not be selfish and let her go, to figure out her path in life. you were not gonna take that from her. you had a kid and a busy job, you didn't want her to live that life. being a stay at home mom and watching your daughter when you were away. you couldn't do that to her, she was still so young. she needed to enjoy her life, go out, get drunk. you didn't want to keep her from that. you needed to let her go.

the rest of the day when by in a blur, oh how you wished you could stop time. "are you okay?" y/n asks you after diner. "yes I am, just a little tired after last night" you say grinning at her. "hmmh shame, I could definitely go for another round tonight" she says back, which immediately makes you cock throb. god that woman did things to you. after you give her another smirk you bring Lily to bed. "goodnight Lils" you say kissing her head. "goodnight daddy" she says smiling softly.

you slowly walk downstairs, dreading the conversation you were about to have. already seeing her disappointed and sad face when you tell her what you decided. god you hoped she wouldn't take it personal. You hoped she would understand.

when you come downstairs she already sits on the couch. you fall down on the couch beside her and sigh. "you're not gonna extend by contract are you?" she says already sounding sad. shit, what where you doing. "y/n listen" you begin "I, I really don't know". "listen Chris, my contract expires in 2 fucking days, I need more from you than an I don't know" she tells you. you let your head fall back into the couch, you weren't ready to tell her yet, hell you weren't at all ready to say goodbye to her. "you're not gonna do it are you" she says almost in a whisper. you look at her. she had a sad look in her eyes, like she knew she was right. "y/n I just. I can't I'm sorry" you say softly. "I thought so" she says looking down. "I need you to live your life y/n, I don't wanna take that from you. you're still so young" you tell her. "I told you I don't want to. I wanna be here with you, and with Lils. I'm happy here" she tells you hurt in her voice, yet somewhere she sounded like she expected it, which breaks your heart even more. "Chris please" she tell you, hurt in her voice. "I can't let you stay y/n, I'm sorry" you say softly, knowing this hurt her.

"I, I can't let you live your life like this, I'm really sorry" you tell her honestly. "I like this life Chris, when are you gonna realize that I understand. I understand your life. and yes it won't always be easy, but I'm willing to deal with it for you!" she says now almost yelling at you, like you just didn't get her. "I'm not extending your contract y/n" you tell her, making it clear to her, there is no changing your mind. the look in her eyes tells you she got it and that you probably shouldn't have said it like that. "okay" she says softly on the verge of tears "I'll guess I start packing then" she says as she stands up. as she wants to walk away you grab her wrist "I'm really sorry y/n, I wish things would have been different" you tell her. "like what Chris, what could ever change your fucking mind" she says aggressively removing your hand from her wrist before she rushes upstairs. great job Chris, you've hurt her.... again.

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