The Strongest Amity.

11.

I slept for a few hours but I woke up around 3 am. I have been laying her for an hour.  I can't for the life on me go back to sleep. I finally just decided to take a walk.  I threw on some joggers and wrap Erics blanket around me. I walked to the pit and stood on a ledge and watched the people below. They were talking, dancing and drinking.  There was a clock on the left wall that said 3:32 am. I sighed and sat with my legs hanging over the ledge.  It was eerie to watch the pit be so quiet even though it still had lota of people.  Normally there is probably close to 200 hundred people hanging out here during the day.  Now there is maybe 75. 

I felt someone standing behind me and turned to find Eric. He was smirking at me and he sat down next to me.

"Do you ever sleep?" I asked him as I watched a fight start in the pit between two girls.

"I could ask you the same thing." He teased.  I rolled my eyes and winced as one of the girls went down hitting her head on the cement floor. "You are so different than dauntless.  Where as we crave the violence you shy away from it."

"If I was so different in wouldn't be sitting at 12th would i?" I mused and looked at him. I didn't realized the blanket had fallen off my left shoulder showing his shirt underneath.

"I see you have a thing for stealing my things." He said with a knowing smile.

"I think if you had an issue with it you would have told.  You aren't one to keep your opinion to yourself." I told him and rewrapped his blanket around my shoulders.

"And if I had an issue with it?" He mused and lifted an eyebrow

"I'd tell you to deal it." I told him in a challenging voice.

"You know if I wanted to I could throw you out of Dauntless with that attitude." He threaten and I rolled my eyes.

"If you really wanted to.  You would. But i think you like having me as company." I told him with a small smile.

"You wish." He snarled.  And his wall is back up. 

"You know this mean persona may work on everyone but it doesn't scary me.  I have spent the last 3 weeks learning that when you let that wall slip you are pretty decent. You can put that wall up with everyone else.  But me." I told him and stood.

I went to walk away but he grabbed my arm. I turned and looked at his face. He looked almost boyish. When he didn't have his face set in his perpetual scowl he was very boyish. I raised a questioning eyebrows.

"Come with me." He said and started walking in the opposite direction. I didn't question it and followed him. He didn't speak the whole time.  It took me a minute to realize he was taking us back to his apartment.

He opened the door and nodded for me to go in.  It was still cold like before. It hadn't change at all. He went over to the kitchen and startes to make some tea.  I went over and sat on one of the counters.

"I didn't take your for a tea drinker." I said as he prepared the kettle.

"There is a lot of things people don't know about me." He said quietly.

"So is there a reason I am here or?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"You were right. I do have wall up. But you seem to be the only one able to knock it down." He said as he poured the boiling water into two cups.

"I am just a broken Amity girl." I said as I hold the hot mug between my hands.

"Well the most broken always end up here don't they?" He said as he sipped his tea.

"Are you always this cryptic?" I asked and drank some of the hot tea.  It was peppermint.

"Here I am trying to be vulnerable and you call it cryptic." He said and rolled his eyes.  He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms.

"Okay.  I am sorry.  Please continue." I said as I hid a small smile behind my cup.

"My parent's did not want children. I was an only child. They were so obsessive with their research that they thought having me was a distraction.  They are higher ups at Erudite so if they had gotten rid on me they'd been shunned. So, they had me very begrudgingly.  Mg parents always made sure I knew how unloved I was. My spent a lot time with my grandma and she loved me. But being unwanted there made me try my hardest here to be wanted. When I was offered the leadership role I took it immediately. I finally felt wanted." He confessed as he sat on the counter across from me.

"You are protective of your spot.  So you feel the need you prove yourself to Max that you deserve this.  So if you push us to the extreme you can show that you know what you are doing. That you can make good little solders. But Eric I hate to break it to you.  You aren't going to loose your position by being nice.  Max is nice... Ish." I told him very seriously.

"Max thinks that since you have been here I have been nice. He says it's been a "nice change". I don't see it." He said and rolled his eyes.

"Wait. You were meaner?" I asked genuinely surprised.

"The Rumors about me aren't just rumors" he said as he sipped his tea.

"Should I be afraid?" I teased and put down my almost empty mug.

"Oh me? No. Not you." He said and walked towards me. He stood almost between my legs.

I looked up at him and he was just looking at me.  I can't really describe it but the way he is looking at me was soft. He usually has a hard look in his eyes. I don't know what has shifted the last week between us. But something has.  Its like we are magnets constantly pull at eachother.

It always feels intimate when we are alone.  Not just us working or on patrol. It feels more than instructor and initiate.  It is more than that. But I don't know how to navigate it.  Especially with inituation ending is still 3 weeks away. It wouldn't be smart to start anythinh.  If there was anything to start. If he even felt the same way. But with his body so close to mine the thoughts of it being not smart competely leave my mind.

He placed his hands on either side of my legs and leaned in. I didn't stop to think. I just reached up and pulled his face to mine.  His lips were soft and I could feel that he hadn't shaven for a couple days.

He was surprised at first but deepen the kiss. He place his hands on my hips and pulled himself between my legs. I should be nervous. I should be scared. But he felt safe. I felt safe in his arms.

He pulled back and then started to kiss down my neck. I moved my head to the side to give him more room. He hit a spot that sent a shiver down my body and a gasp out of my mouth. He didn't move and only kissed harder. I didn't even stop the soft moan that came out of my mouth.

He pulled back immediatly after I moaned and smiled down at me. I blushed and look down but he lifted my face up.

"You will never hide from me. Ever." He said softly before placing a kiss on my forehead.

"You know that this isn't smart right?" I told him in a small voice.

"Well I guess I am dumb then because I am not letting you go. Not now." Eric said and placed a small kiss on my lips. I sighed and smile.

"You know I feel very safe with you. I have known that you would never hurt me. I haven't felt this safe in almost 6 months." I confessed picking my cup back up. Eric was still sitting between my legs and rubbing my legs.

"I promise I will never hurt you. The moment I do something or say something that makes you uncomftable you tell me. I don't care what we are doing. Training, patroling any time." He said. I just nodded and smiled. I haven't been in a relationship since I was 16.

"I don't know how good I will be in whatever this is. I mean I have panic attacks whenever I finish fighting guys that aren't Jacob or you. I sometimes have to take a shower in the middle of lunch because I feel his hands on me still. I feel like I am so Fucked up." I told his in a shakey voice.

"You are not fucked up. You have trauma. It will get better. Your friends will help. I will help. Soon you will get to the point You won't even think about. You will always have triggers. You will have days where it is hard. But it will get better." He said intently and held my hands.

"Thank you." I said and kissed his cheek softly. He smiled and grabbed his mug.