You Again [h.s]

30. Afraid

There is never one definition of love. Love means something different to everyone. Loving your brother is different to loving your pet and loving your pet is different to loving your best friend and loving your best friend is different to loving your boyfriend or even your husband. To fall in love is easy and falling out of love is a billion times harder. Have I ever been in love? Sure I have, but unfortunately for me that love broke me. I fell for the wrong person way too young in life. And this has scarred me forever.

My article is due in two weeks and this is all I have written. I can't write about this topic, it'll be the death of me. Why couldn't Zayn be given this topic? He is in love with someone, I am not. The only thing that keeps coming to mind is my grandparents love and the love between Zerrie. Yes, I have a ship name for them. 

My grandparents.. I had never seen anyone so in love. It was just the small gestures like watching television together or cooking dinner together. Those everyday things that everyone does was different with them. They would never argue infront of me and they would always put the wellbeing of others before their own. Whether this was because of their age or the different generation they were brought up in, but their love completely contrasts two of my friends who are madly in love with one another.

They have been dating for two and a half years. They have just recently moved in with one another and their personalities are so different yet so alike at the same time. They both have different religious beliefs yet still love one another despite that. They come from different families but still manage to put their differences aside. They however do bicker a fair bit, but it never lasts long. They apologise, kiss and make up an hour later and continue with their lives. That is different to the love I had. We never fought in the beginning and I thought I was being myself around him, but now that I look back on it I realise that I was being someone who I am not the whole time. 

Everyone's love is different and that's why every couple you pass on the street is different. 

I look at the time and it is already 5:15pm. I should have left fifteen minutes ago but I was so caught up on writing something I will probably throw away and not publish at all. I am craving my favourite pizza, but I don't feel safe going to that place alone. Pablo and Jacko were acting so weird that night, but everyone deserves a second chance right? 

Just to satisfy my stomach I get into my car and drive to the pizza place run by Pablo. I won't stay, I will just order my pizza and go. 

When I arrive there are a couple of people sitting at different tables in the parlour which is very uncommon. Usually on a Wednesday night there is lucky to be one person in here, but this makes me feel better knowing that I won't be in here alone. I notice Jacko's motorbike is parked out front which tells me that he is here. Great. 

"Ella?" Pablo questions as I walk in. He half doesn't believe it's me. "I thought we had lost out favourite customer. Welcome back." He says with a warm smile. 

"Hi." I say simply, looking around me at the two families and a couple minding their own business as they eat their dinner. "Can I please order my usual." I begin unzipping my wallet when a hand is placed on my shoulder. I jump as I am caught off guard and turn around to face the person. 

"It's on the house." Jacko removes his hand from my shoulder. "It's an apology from my behaviour those few weeks ago. I was drunk."

"Drunk actions  are sober thoughts." I say to him, closing my wallet. You know what, I will take a free pizza from them. It's the least they can do. 

"Ella, I am a guy and you are a beautiful girl. You should take it as a compliment when I try to come onto you when I am drunk. I was out of my mind as I had a lot to drink and I-I have liked you for a while now." He seems sincere, but this could just be an act. I have known him for years now though and Pablo did always tell me that he one day wished for his son and I to end up together. "Do you forgive me? It won't happen again."

 I sigh as I think about giving him a second chance or not. I guess Harry the first night I met him was just like Jacko except he wasn't drunk it is just in his nature. Jacko did just try to kiss me and I was just scared of what he was capable of as I know he was drunk. "Fine." I nod my head. "I forgive you, but if you ever try anything on me again drunk or sober you have just lost your best customer." 

"Thank you." Jacko engulfs me in a hug and I hear Pablo chuckle to himself, probably at what I just said. "You have no idea at how much sleep I lost after how bad I felt from what I did."

After a few minutes of small talk with Jacko just like the good old days, Pablo hands me my pizza and Jacko offers to walk me out just like he always used to.

"Thanks for this." I say as he closes my car door. 

"It's the least I could do." He smiles at me. It's a shame that he lets his bad boy persona get in his way because he is a very attractive young man who could end up with a very nice girl. No, that won't be me as he was always like a brother to me since the day I met him those few years ago. "Have a good night Ella. Will I see you around?"

"For sure." I tell him and wind my window, indicating and driving out of the parking lot. Although I have forgiven Jacko, there is still some tension between us. I don't know what it is that gives me a weird feeling in my stomach about him and it annoys the hell out of me. I don't have feelings for him, this feeling in the pit of my stomach makes it churn and that scares me. 

Why am I still afraid of Jacko?