You Again [h.s]

77. Seven Days

Ella's POV:

Day 1

I imagined a nights sleep would wash away the most traumatic memories from yesterday, but a nights sleep I did not get. Adams face, his fearful, painful face will not leave my mind. His blue eyes shine like the sun and keep me from closing my eyes. They won't leave my mind.

My body is cold and I keep shivering so I put my thick duvet over me, but then my entire body grows uncomfortable and craves fresh air so I throw the blankets off me and put the air on, only for this cycle to repeat. I feel filthy, like no matter how many times the nurses put disinfectant on me I can never be cleansed from his blood.

All I can smell is the thickness of the air in my room that has hibernated me since I came home. I tried to open the blinds but the sun made it feel like a sword was piercing through my skull.

My stomach aches as it craves food, but as soon as Taylor puts anything on my bedside table, it cuddles and scrunches up, making me feel like I'm going to be sick.

No matter how much I despised him I can't believe he is gone and what pains me the most is it was David. I feel responsible for his death because he wouldn't be here if it weren't for me and he took the bullet for me so it is my fault in all ways possible even though David pulled the trigger.

I want that man dead. The pain he has caused all of us for so very long sickens me. To think that Harry won't tell the police the entire story about David to lock him away for life gives me a head ache but I understand. I never spoke about Adam to anyone for years because the memories haunted me and I can see why Harry won't speak about his because it's too long, complicated and haunting for him.

We both want nothing but to move on from this horrible life we have been living. I could've escaped it long ago, but the thing is, even if it was me who got shot yesterday, I wouldn't have wanted to go back and change my mind and escape from Harry because whilst it had been complicated, stressful and heartbreaking I wouldn't change it for the world because I am hopelessly in love with him.

I feel awful for shutting him out yesterday I could hear him arguing with the doctors at the hospital as he wanted to see me but I didn't want him to see me in the messy state I was in. I didn't even know who I was yesterday I felt disgusting and lost, as if I was watching myself from outside my own body in a different point of view. I couldn't feel anything and my head hurt a lot. I know I'm just mourning and shaken up over Adams death but it still doesn't feel real.

It's not supposed to be easy watching someone die in your arms, I know this because I've experienced it before. But this time I'm older and understand more about death than when I was when I lost my family when I was younger. And this time, the person dead on my lap was dead because of me. Because the bullet was meant for me so I should be dead.

I can't keep myself from crying at the thought of seeing Harry, Zayn, Perrie, Taylor, Jacko, Niall and all my friends dealing with my death. I know it sounds selfish but imagine all the people that care about you finding out that you're dead and have been murdered. That's what David is, a murderer.

Zayn and Perrie would be immensely upset about my death but eventually they'd move on as they have each other and they're happy. Zayn would be upset at work and probably be miserable there for a while but he will find his happiness again.

Taylor will have her baby soon and Louis would move in and although she will be sad because she's aways called me her big sister, she will have a newborn to care for and start a family which will allow her to move on and forget about me.