This Is Your Voice

Battlefield

Pacing up and down the hallways, I can't seem to be able to get out the words I wanna say, today is the day that the world suddenly stopped, and deep inside I felt so shocked, I just nodded and accepted what I heard, although everything around me suddenly looked so blurred, I couldn't shout, with anger, so I decided to get up and walk about, trying to find the right answer, sitting deep in my mind, whilst I took a look back at the time.

Everyday, I feel like I'm walking into a battlefield, I try and let myself enjoy my day, and use my inner strength as a shield, to get me through the obstacles that I face, all I want is my own personal space, so that I can rest, and get back to my usual best.

I meet another doctor along the way, and listen to what they gotta' say, I shake my head this way, and that way, thinking that what they say can't be true, deep inside it leaves me feeling blue, I thought inside, that I was becoming stronger, now I know that deep down that was just a lie, and the pain was just gonna stick with me for a little while longer, another stay in hospital coming up, right now I just feel like I wanna throw up, I don't know where I get the strength from, to carry on, even though the pain inside leaves me feeling numb, I know that deep inside my family would encourage me to soldier on, and believe in myself, and not let them bid farewell, and let life take over, and let myself become a pushover.

I talk to other patients, see what they are going through, whilst battling with my own patience, and trying to get myself to work my way through, the pain and the demons, trying to find the right reasons, to stay in this hospital, even though the place makes me feel little, I try not to go crazy, although walking through the corridors inside the hospital, makes everything look hazy, all the diagnosis' I receive, just seem like one big riddle, feel like I'm placed under hypnosis, feel like I'm piggy in the middle, feel like all these doctors are just gonna give me psychosis, I just feel like I need the right signal, to tell me I can go home, so that I can be left alone, to rest, and recuperate to my best.

My days of recovery, are the same, eat, sleep, drink everything, whilst battling through the pain, left from the scars from my hospital stay, I know I gotta' get through it all this way, and become stronger, just so I can carry on living my life, a little longer, and not let it stab at me like a knife, and tell me it's game over, cause I ain't no pushover, so I know what I gotta' do, just to get through, all of this stuff, so I can hide away from the world in a mask, and tell them I've had enough, as I walk through this masque, and smile at everyone I see, knowing that one day I'll be free, from this pain and misery, and come out of all this, a stronger me, and sit down and reminisce, with my friends, about everything we all had to go through, and not pretend, that it was hard, and sometimes left us feeling down and so blue, and mentally and physically scarred, whilst we all went on the mend.