Scar Red

27: Macabre

🚨Alert. This chapter contains psychological issues. If for any reason you cannot stand it, then go down to the part after the asterisk signs🚨

Song for the moment: Thank God - Sasha Sloan.

My life was a nightmare! One that I couldn't wait to wake up from… if only I could.

All I had felt was a shock of some melancholic origin that transcended to torpor. I felt absolutely nothing, not pain nor anger, nothing!

"You okay, kid?" The officer had asked me. I remembered how the others helped me up, reiterating questions to ascertain my well-being. However, my hearing had seemed subdued—most of my senses had been, and I had been deemed incapable of utterance.

I recalled how all I'd done was just rid myself of the apron before taking off. I ran and didn't look back.

Now, everything had returned. It felt like being hit with a thousand bricks. Why was I so unlucky in my life? Nothing good ever came my way. No matter how many times I tried to be positive, no matter how many times I got belittled… It felt like déjà vu 'cause it had happened before, it keeps on occurring and only to me…

That look on Pedro's face… I'd seen it before. That inhumane exterior, like the one that had been on Geraldine, Madam, Susan, and even Evelynn.

My life now stood as an epitome of suffering; a depiction of anguish and infernal humiliation all because I looked different, and for that sole reason, there was a target on my back. Anyone takes advantage of that just to put me down.

My conspicuous exterior not only prejudiced my existence but also classified me as a substandard human being, a counterfeit—I hated my life!

I hated it so much! So so much!

All I wanted to do now was to cease existing. I knew I'd be doing humanity a favour. I knew it wasn't my fault, it could never be, after all, I was the one that went through so much…

Angrily, I leafed through the pages of the Bible on my lap.

It's all His fault!

In one swift motion, I grabbed a fistful of pages, ripping it clean off the book. He left me alone to suffer!

I ripped more and more pages off, eventually, the tears blurred my vision, inducing me to fling the sacred book haphazardly.

I asked Him—begged Him to take my life, it was there in the hospital. I pleaded with Him to free me from the agony, to let me come and be with Him. It was all I asked but He couldn't listen, He didn't listen.

He did something else instead, He abandoned me!

My face was already drenched with tears at that point. There was no doubt that my face and my hair would be sharing the same hue.

"Ask! And you shall receive!" they say.

"God answers prayers!" they say.

The last thing He would do was answer mine, apparently, mine wasn't worth answering. I never wanted to live like this, all I wanted was to leave all the pain and tremor behind but God never showed up, He just forgot about me. He simply let me suffer, living through the wrecked life the fire left me with.

My parents always told us; He is compassionate and He is merciful… Yet He refused to take pity on me, and deliver me from this wretched life I lived. Instead, He left me at the mercy of people like Pedro…

At that point, I broke down completely as memories of the unjust acts meted out to me that day flooded my mind.

My life could only get worse from here—this hellish existence of mine. I sniffed several times.