Scar Red

34: Epiphany

That day was my birthday and coincidentally, the day I left this atrocious place. I was still unsure how I was able to survive a whopping three weeks here without going completely berserk and my joy would be full when I was entirely out of that hospital.

Earlier, Louisa had me undergo several elaborate tests to ascertain if I was in a family way. To say I was relieved when everything proved negative would be putting it lightly 'cause I didn't even know how I would handle the absurdity of the situation if I was pregnant.

Notwithstanding, with everything that had occurred, I couldn't say that I was in a good state of mind to stomach it if the tests had come out contrary to what it was, since, I found myself spacing out, detaching myself from the world—even the turbulent dreams that plagued my nights and this time, it wasn't just the fire, what happened that night also tormented me.

It always left me so exhausted, so broken and the more I sensed my sanity evaporating away, the more I was convinced that I needed help.

But nothing was stopping me from leaving, even if the tests turned out positive 'cause as far as I was concerned, my life with the McGregors was over. It was behind me.

Gabriel shared my opinion too; we'd spoken over the phone the week before and he admitted a lot of things, including anticipating that Jared was bound to do something like this, that he was capable of it. And to my greatest surprise, he had encouraged me and had given me advice.

Besides Louisa, he was the last person that I thought would care about my condition. So, the fact that he reached out, left me quite astounded. Of course, Louisa acted like she cared, a lot of times, but I knew with an unwavering perspicuity that she didn't.

Given that Jared was yet to be seen, I remained unbothered as we rode home. I was going to pack my stuff and then take a permanent leave of absence from their lives.

"I'll wait for you downstairs," were Mr. McGregor's words once we reached the foyer.

I nodded and proceeded up the stairs, stopping momentarily at Jared's room as a wave of painful memories hit me like a brick.

While I packed, I thought about my destination; I didn't have any in particular but I had a better knowledge of the city now.

Delivering those pizzas on the bike had  afforded me the time and chance to explore the city. Sometimes when I was done for the day, I didn't return directly. In lieu, I spent my time familiarizing myself with a lot of places and locations. By then, I could say that I knew about half the city.

Something dropped out of one of my shirts and a gasp left me upon realizing what it was. The pendant Nicholas gave me… I'd forgotten that I had this. It had this interloping shape, infinity.

My teacher once uttered its meaning. It had been drawn on the board, being part of a particular calculus problem and someone had raised a hand to ask what it meant.

"This depicts the limit of a value of a function," he had started. "When it tends to become numerically bigger than any preassigned finite number. However, in a literal sense, it simply means endless, boundless, foreverness…"

"...endless, boundless…"

I suddenly realized how much thought was put into the gift. It was a promise that he—they would always be there for me, no matter what. Always…

"Oh, Nick…"

Somehow, a tear freed itself and my hand immediately flew to wipe it away. Once I composed myself, I put on the pendant.

I hastened in my packing and found my way downstairs. Ezra held Faustina, seemingly lost in thought. Once the feline laid eyes on me, she practically leapt out of his grasp bounding towards me…