Scar Red

46: A Party, Faute De Mieux...

I eased into the nearest sofa as I looked around. There were vases and potted plants with glass figurines here and there. One of its four walls consisted of glass from floor to ceiling. This, in turn, afforded a satisfying view of the outside. There was also a mild fragrance present that I couldn't quite place.

Dr. Ashlyn's place was good too but that one was literally on a different level.

"This place…" I voiced. "It makes me feel so-"

"-let me guess, it makes you feel calm and eases your nerves, right?"

"Yes," was all I could say, corroborating his apt answer.

The doctor looked to be around his forties with conspicuous grey strands in his hair and keen hazel eyes peering through gold-rimmed glasses that were propped atop his nose. He was clean-shaven and had a friendly demeanour too.

"I would be surprised if it didn't." Was his remark to my affirming words.

Then, he was silent for a moment and I could see that he was studying me.

"You seem tense and quite jumpy. You are nervous, why?"

He stood up from his desk which had files sprawled across it to take a seat across from me. He held a few leaves that presumably had information and reports concerning my mental health. Dr. Ashlyn must've forwarded them and I wondered what he made out of them.

"Several reasons…" I replied, twiddling with my fingers. "On my way here, I was quite nervous for what would become of our meeting and with everything that has happened so far."

The skin of his forehead creased as he mulled over my response.

"Everything that has happened," he reiterated. "Enlighten me on that."

I sighed. "Around this time for the last two years, I've been having nightmares recurrently, almost every day and they don't stop. Small things trigger my memories and I have trouble going to sleep because of it.

This morning, I went jogging with a friend and I had a sort of an illusion. It was like a sort of projection of someone from my nightmares and I'm more scared than I've ever been concerning my condition."

He nodded with a look of recognition on his face. "What you just described is what we call the Anniversary effect. It concerns a series of unpleasant thoughts and
memories that happen on or around the anniversary of a traumatic event.

You said that your nightmares are more concentrated at this time of year 'cause it directly falls on or around the time as at when you were raped last two years, right?"

"Yes."

"There is nothing to fear, Carina." He reassured me. "Yours is just a peculiar case of PTSD. Are there any improvements from when you were still seeing Dr. Ashlyn that you should let me know about?" He inquired, setting down the files.

"Well, before I started seeing her, I used to zone out. It was really bad 'cause one second someone's talking to me and the next, I'm simply inattentive and detached from the outside world."

I also reminisced my misery memoir at his request, telling him of how it all began when I started on my odyssey for self-discovery and to find greener pastures till then.

"So, why exactly have you come here?" He asked with narrowed eyes and steepled fingers.

That question had me taken aback for a moment as I stared incredulously at him. After having him reiterate his words at my request, I could see that I'd heard him right the first time.

"I came here to get help. From you. I want to be better." I explained frustratedly.

"Ok then," He affirmed, an unreadable expression on his face. "Do you believe that you can be better—that I can help you get better?"