Scar Red

38: A Better Plan

Having mauled over her words, I concluded that it didn't add up. None of it did. Regardless of all she somehow knew about me it could not prove how she knew I'd be the one sitting under the rain that day.

"The Lord spoke to me, He said there was a lost soul that needed Him, His guidance. I had been waiting for you since then, not minding that I had not an iota of idea who you would be, however, the moment I saw you, I knew. My dear, it wasn't a coincidence that you were by that building that day for you could have been anywhere else but you were there." She explained.

The gears in my head were turning and the cogs were grinding harshly against themselves as I tried to make sense of her words until I realized there was no use, I just had to believe them.

"Indeed I cannot start to peruse the throes you've faced or the doubts you've harboured—it is evident you've had them plenty and you still do but with time you'll come to understand His divine plan."

Something about that last part stirred me. "But He abandoned me, a long time ago-"

"-He would do no such thing!" She warned, interrupting me. Her tone was rebuking. "You had a religious upbringing, did you not? And ever since then you've strongly doubted. Anything you've asked of Him and He didn't bring into the establishment is contrary to His will. He would never abandon...If only you had but a glimpse of what lay ahead..."

To say I was convinced would be lying to myself so I decided to voice it out. "If you say so then why did the Lord let me pass through pain and anguish and all the horrible things I've experienced? If He didn't leave me then why did He let all those things happen to me?" My voice had begun to quiver. "Why-why did He re-refuse to take me when I begged and told Him I couldn't go on?"

"For everything that happens under the sun, there is a reason or reasons. The earlier you understand that the better. He would never do anything contrary to His will and nothing happens by accident or mistake.

It is His will that you saw what you saw. It is a process that you had to undergo so everything will fall into place and come into fulfillment, just as He allowed His son to fall into the hands of mortal men, to be beaten, tortured, and finally hung. It is why we have salvation today, all that was part of a bigger plan, a better plan."

For some inexplicable reason, tears had welled up in my eyes, and some kind of contrition now stirred within my heart. I didn't fully know what I felt but it was strong and it was unyielding.

"You are destined for so much more if only you can look beyond the past and rid your heart of all those doubts and restraints." She continued.

She turned to embrace me. Apparently, my stifled sobs had reached her ears.

"Poor child, let it all out." She patted my back as I wept uncontrollably, confessing to her how I almost took my own life and stole to survive.

I confessed how I lost all my faith and shunned the Lord, how I only prayed when it suited me and prayed for show 'cause I knew my parents would hear me and none of it was ever genuine, how I stopped praying entirely and reading the Word then tried to do everything on my own.

She listened with rapt attention as I narrated how I blamed God for my condition after the fire and how I detested Him for making me live with disfiguring scars.

"In every condition, we find ourselves in, whether good or bad, we ought to praise Him. He knows why he let all those happen for His thoughts are not to be likened to ours, and neither are His ways. My dear, let not your heart be heavy, cast all your burdens to Him, He cares." She soothed me, stroking my hair. "Many things could've happened instead; imagine if the fiery incident didn't occur and maybe you wouldn't have been given the chance to come to the city, and your entire life would most likely revolve around that province.