Amelia's Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 61: Another's Sorrow

A/N: Italics = flashbacks.

TW: references to suicide.

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Vivienne's POV

Vivienne, nee de Bois and wife of Gorlois, smiles sadly as she strokes her heavily pregnant stomach as she sits at her desk in her Chambers, gazing out of the window. A piece of parchment lies out on the table in front of her, pen hanging listlessly in her left hand. Her mind is blank as she tries to think of the right words to say.

"Vivienne?" Vivienne looks up to see it was her brother Agravaine who had called her name.

She smiles softly at the sight of him.

"I betrayed him again, Agravaine." Vivienne begins to sob. "How could I do this?"

She had been on her way to visit her brother, but she had wanted to stop at Dumnonia, Odin's Kingdom to visit his wife, Rhiannon. Vivienne, who was deeply in love with her husband Gorlois, had not wanted to betray him again and had not planned to develop feelings for Odin nor to have an affair with him. They soon had to separate from each other when Vivienne had to continue her journey to Agravaine's.

A few months into her stay, Vivienne learnt that there was a consequence to her actions as she found herself pregnant for the third time. Vivienne, knowing she could not even try to pass this child off as Gorlois' like she had with Morgana, decided to extend her stay with her brother, arguing that she missed her family home.

Agravaine frowns in concern and strides over to his sister, crouching down and placing a reassuring hand on her knee. "Do not blame yourself."

"How could I not?" Vivienne remarks. "I suppose it is only to be expected, I have always been seen as the rebellious child."

"That is not true!"

Vivienne scoffs, her cheeks wet. "Do you really believe that? I'm sure you did when I got pregnant by some blacksmith while unmarried and losing the advantageous marriage mother and father had organised for me. Or maybe it was when you learnt that I had an affair with my own brother-in-law."

"You know Samuel was not some blacksmith."

Vivienne sighs. "No, no he wasn't."

Samuel had been learning the trade when she had met him. She had loved him since she first saw him and whilst she was a lady of high standard and betrothed, that did not stop her from becoming too close to him which ended up costing her everything. She was pregnant and betrothed to someone else who was not the father. Vivienne's father had flown into a rage, beating poor Samuel black and blue and banishing him. Vivienne's betrothed learnt of the news and refused to marry her. Then she met Gorlois, sweet Gorlois who did not care that his wife was carrying a child that was not his, and Vivienne knows that he would have loved Morgause like his own if he was given the chance. But life is cruel and Morgause was taken away.

"Ygraine has written to me. She says her and Uther are now expecting a child." Agravaine tells her softly, almost fearful. "Tristan has gone to visit her."

Of course, he has. Tristan and Ygraine have always been close. Sickenly so. Her sister has always radiated loveliness, loveliness Vivienne has envied since she was a little girl. Everyone always preferred her younger sister. The girl who was and always will be perfect in every way, a good child who did everything she was told and even married a King. Vivienne's raging words would reduce Ygraine to tears as a child when she had aggressively shouted at her little sister for going into her room and messing up her things. But she doesn't hate her sister and would forgive her just as often but there will always be that divide between them. Maybe that's why Vivienne betrayed her sister in the cruellest way.