Loving The Mafia ✅

40. Issues

This song represents Harlow and Cristiano's relationship, don't you think? Play the song while your reading, it's a long chapter.

CRISTIANO

It's strange.

Just when I think everything is great, everything is okay between us, things take a turn for the worse. She had been more on edge and distant then ever before, and her little secret is eating at her mind again. She's getting twitchier and you could start to really tell she had anxiety problems.

But I didn't dare make it worse by bringing it up.

I hugged her a bit tighter, knowing it'd be over when she woke up. It stung a bit in my chest that once she was awake, she'd want to get far away from me for reasons unknown only by me. And I despised that.

I knew that as soon as she started to stir, I'd have to take my hands off her, but I didn't want to do that.

I wondered if we'd be okay before her birthday. I'd hate to propose to her and she'd only say yes just because she has to. I want her to say yes also because she wants to actually marry me. Because I want to marry her.

Relationship wise, if we weren't apart of the Italia Mafia and no Institution stuff ever happened and we met a different way, I think we'd still be almost engaged to be married today. Just under a few different circumstances.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt her leg move. I instantly pulled away from her, turning away from her also. But I was completely caught off guard when her soft hand grasped my arm, making me unable to turn completely on my side.

Then, she said three words I've never heard her say.

"I need you."

I was completely and utterly confused by now. She didn't want to be near me, but yet she says she needs me. Maybe it's the hormones, I don't know. Or she's going crazy and so am I..

I brought myself to turn and look at her, but that brought a sweep of depression as I looked at her eyes that looked glassy and I could see tears welling up across her waterline.

I opened my mouth to ask one of the many questions I had but I decided not to. Instead, I hugged her tight in my arms and kissed the crown of her head. She gripped my shirt and I could feel her chest puff up against mine as she inhaled sharp breaths i followed by light sobs.

I hushed her quietly, growing more flustered by the minute. Why is she crying, distant, and edgy? It didn't make sense and I knew why. It was her secret, whatever it was. My secret is bad, but it doesn't bring me down like this. Whatever this is, it's tearing her apart, and until she tells me, I can't do anything about it. And I hate that. I hate that I can't help her.

"Whatever it is. It'll be okay. Everything's going to be okay." I assured but really, it was a hope. A want.

She responded with silence, a strange, doubting silence. The kind that was sudden, and felt like something bad was about to happen.

I loosened my hold to see if she was still holding on, and she did not respond. Her eyes darted up at me they sparked with pain. "Look--we're us. And we'll always be us. Do you understand?" She looked me straight in the eyes and somehow, I understood even thought it was sort of random.