Hope | ✔

Chapter 19: Confessing

"One of the best feelings in the world is when the person you like, likes you back."

Jaimie-mae sat silently in the passenger seat of Fabian's Range Rover as he reached over her and buckled her in cautiously. Even though he had just carried her out of the café, he was still being careful not to over step anything she'd be uncomfortable with.

She was mildly surprised that he had even bothered carrying her. He was injured not to long ago but he didn't protest. 

Jaimie-mae didn't know what had come over her. She had no idea why she had clung to him like a monkey, or why she held on so tightly. She just knew she felt a lot better after she did. Actually, she did kind of know why she did those things.

She missed him. God, did she miss him.

She knew it was her fault for not calling, or coming by, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to do a lot of things actually.

She was having a bad week. She was irritated at everything and everyone and she didn't want to make a mistake and take out her frustration on everyone in her path. She so busy putting everyone else's feelings in consideration that she forgot to put her own there too.

She had avoided as many people as she could so as not to let them face her fury. It was rare for anyone to see her angry. But when she was angry, she hid it away. To protect others. But that wasn't doing her any good.

She wasn't angry at anyone but herself. She was angry, so angry. She was simmering in her own frustrations, slowly burning up. She was mad because she was scared now.

She was scared of letting people know how she was feeling. She was scared of her thoughts. She was scared of the panic attacks. She was scared of therapy. She was scared of school. But, she wondered if she ever really was scared of those things. 

No she wasn't. She couldn't be. She was facing them. 

What she was actually scared of, were the things that happened in the past. They came back to visit all the time. The past was the present and she hated that. She hated it all.

But she promised herself she wouldn't go around hating things anymore because it would kill her when the memories didn't. 

"Jaimie, stop thinking so hard," Fabian said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Jaimie-mae slowly turned to Fabian and her anger finally boiled over and came out in angry hot tears. She couldn't find a way to let it out. 

"Come on Jaimie-mae. You need to talk about it or at least shout at me or something," Fabian said seriously.

Jaimie-mae didn't know why she was so surprised. He knew. He always knew.

"I-i don't know how to t-talk about it," she said through her sobs.

"Alright. Just relax for a second."

Jaimie-mae sat back in the seat and eventually curled up on herself. She found her herself nodding off a few times, but she tried to stay awake so she wouldn't seem rude.

"Jaimie-baby, you can go to sleep. Its okay. I'll be right here."

Jaimie-mae's heart stuttered at the chosen nickname. It sounded so... sweet coming from his mouth.

Jaimie-mae soon drifted off, the smooth movements of the car lulling her further into a comfortable sleep. It was the best one she'd had in a while.

***

"Hey, Jaimie-mae. Wake up."

Jamie-mae groaned slightly and curled up tighter to shut out the annoying but handsome voice interrupting her slightly pleasant sleep.