His, Eternally [18+]

Chapter Twenty-Three: Regret

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Indie's Point of View:

       I woke up to the feeling of the the sun hitting my face. I groaned, still half-asleep as I brought my hands to my face to rub the sleep out of my eyes. As I lay still in my bed thinking of last night, I found myself dozing off again in the comfort of my cloud-like mattress. I groaned hearing my alarm go off, the sound piercing my ears. I pulled myself out of bed, throwing on a short fluffy robe I had on along with fuzzy socks. I had work today, and although I dreaded it, I felt chipper and happy because of what took place only twelve hours before. It was eleven-thirty already, meaning I had to be at work in only thirty minutes. I threw on my undergarments, before putting on a classic vinyl. I hummed to the song, pulling my black work shirt over the sports bra I had on.

I pulled my hair up in a ponytail, grimacing at my split ends. I needed a hair cut, desperately. I then proceeded to apply a bit of black mascara to my lashes, dusting on a bit of highlighter so that I looked a little less dead. I grabbed my cross-body purse, before stepping out of the door and locking it behind me. I inhaled the smell of the trees, closing my eyes as I felt the warmth of the sun hit my face. It was a beautiful day — also it was slightly cold, the sun shone high above me and there were no clouds to be seen anywhere. The air was fresh, and I could see my breath slightly when I exhaled. I pulled my denim jacket closer to my body, speeding up my walk so that I could reach the diner slowly.

I approached the diner, hearing the all-too familiar ring of the bell as the door opened behind me. I was instantly greeted with Annie, a very smitten one, to say the least.

"You, Indie, have a sex glow." She said, showing off her pearly white teeth and wiggling her auburn brows. I blushed furiously, shaking my head and laughing uncomfortably. She lifted my chin, inspecting my neck cautiously. I furrowed my brows in confusion, why was she looking at my neck? She then pushed the cloth that covered my collarbones, making me laugh and slap her way lightly. To say I was confused is an understatement.

"Why are you studying my neck like you're trying to tell if a Gucci bag is real or faux?" I laughed, my face still in flames as I saw her eyes darken. A mischievous look crossed her face, a smirk splayed on her rouge-tinted lips. "Just... looking for hickeys, is all." Annie replied hesitantly towards the end of the sentence. She shrugged, winking at me before returning the table she was tending to. I stood there, kind of in a dream world as I felt more and more confused by the second. Is that what Thaddeus was known for? Easily getting women in his bed? Was I just another one of those women? I clenched my jaw, my good mood dissipating as a I tried to come up with some reasonable explanation for why Annie thought I got down and dirty with Thaddeus. For Gods sake, I hadn't even kissed anyone let alone let them give me a hickey.

I tried to keep myself busy for the rest of the shift, cleaning like a fiend and tending to as many tables as I could handle. However, a piece inside of my heart felt as if it were tugging. I had began to like Thaddeus, a lot. I developed such strong feelings for him, and what if this entire time he was just trying to get me in his sheets? I chewed at my bottom lip, trying to block out all of the horrible scenarios that could be taking place. In middle school, a boy had lied about me 'doing stuff' with him, giving extremely false details about how sexual I was. What if Thaddeus was trying to do that to me — get me in his bed so he could brag to all of his friends about it?  Tell his friends and peers all what we had done, exploiting my innocence? I shuddered at the thought, continuing to vigorously wipe the table down before clearing the dishes.

I cursed in frustration as I felt a coffee mug slip off of the platter, making me red in embarrassment as I heard the porcelain shatter against the ground. Luckily, no costumers were in the dining area. I felt so out of it, and didn't even think to grab a broom to clean up the broken mess that was under my feet. I picked up it, hissing between my feet as I felt the remnants of the cup dig into my index fingers and thumbs. Goddamnit.

I heard footsteps approaching me, the click of Annie's heels against the tiled floor. "Baby girl, what are you doing?" I heard her soft voice reach my ears. I continued to look down, feeling so frustrated with how my emotions and mood could be so simply turned around by something so meaningless. She stepped aside before grabbed a broom, instructing me to go wash my hand and tend to the slight cuts that covered a good surface area of my hands as she swept. I walked to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror weakly as I leaned against the sink and sighed. I needed to get myself together, it was not that serious. I washed my hands aggressively with soap and water, the stinging sensation making me scrunch my nose in distaste. A few droplets of blood contrasted with the white sink, before I scrubbed them off with a paper towel.

I took another deep breath through my nose, exhaling as I walked out of the bathroom. For the rest of the day, I could not get my mind off of what Annie had suggested. I felt so deeply hurt, over something so petty. I felt like I was sixteen years old all over again, feeling pity for myself over a boy that I hadn't even known for a month. Annie glanced over at me many times while taking orders, refilling drinks and cleaning off the tables. Although I could feel her gaze every so often, I refused to look at her in the eyes. I didn't want her to think I was some obsessive, immature little girl.

It started to get late, and the shift passed like a blur before my own eyes. Everything seemed to move in slow motions as I thought of Thaddeus. I had managed to self inflict paranoia, overthinking everything Thaddeus had done — from holding my hand, kissing my forehead, giving me the beautiful flower so that I had inspiration to paint. I tried to think back to all of his words, his mannerisms, his tone — anything that would hint me towards him only using me for sexual ideations. However, as hard as I was thinking, not one thing he had done had led me to believe he was some lowlife panty-snatcher.

I was finishing the dishes, scrubbing all of the food off before I felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder. I jolted in surprise, turning around to see Annies regretful face. She had her eyebrows furrowed, analyzing my face. "Are you mad at me for something?" She asked quietly. I sighed, shaking my head.

"I'm just hurt, I didn't know that Thaddeus was like... well, that." Her face dropped, shaking her head back and forth, her crystal clear eyes widening with sorrow.

"Baby girl, no, he's not like that. I'm sorry I came off like that, I was just looking fo-" She covered her mouth, her eyes widening further as I pulled my eyebrows up. She stuttered over her words, and I immediately knew she was lying. I could practically hear her racing heart. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, rising my suspicion even more. I felt bad for doing it, I knew it was invasive, but I had to know what she was thinking — what she was hiding. I placed a lingering hand on her shoulder, holding it for a moment longer hoping that I could find anything that she was thinking to lead me to the truth about Thaddeus. Alas, I found nothing.

"I have to go. Now." I whispered, taking off my apron and exiting the diner quickly. I ignored the faint "Indie, I'm sorry"'s and sighed, feeling a familiar throb in my throat.