𝙲𝙰𝙺𝙴 (𝙰 𝙵𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙱𝚡𝙱 𝙽𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕) 🍰

㉟ 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙾𝚄𝚃

~~~

Skyler

Being cramped in a confined space with two other strangers for five hours didn't exactly ease my nerves. Somehow, I had ended up in between them. Initially, when I first boarded the airplane, there was only one person in the three-seat row by the window, so I took the aisle seat. But, another person came to our row, and sadly, my social anxiety got the best of me. I tried to be nice and offer up the aisle seat, pushing me into the middle. Now, I'm stuck between to animals for five hours. Sometimes, I really hate the decisions I make.

I was never comfortable with flying alone. In fact, when I first got here in August, it was the first time I had ever rode an airplane by myself. I wanted to watch a movie on the screen or binge a TV series, but I was too afraid of what the others would think, so I just listened to music the whole time. Yes, five hours of music. I didn't even sleep.

Once I arrived in my home state, I checked into a nearby motel that was a few towns away from mine. I had left so suddenly, hoping that I could make it to my parents' house before it got late. But, it was 9:50 when we landed. This was the only flight available for the weekend.

I took an airport taxi and drove to the nearest place to crash. Spending the night alone in a cheap, run-down motel was an experience, to say the least.

I texted Charlie, telling him that I had landed. He asked if we could go on a facetime call, so I agreed under the condition that he wouldn't ask me any questions. We spent the whole night talking to one another about normal things that we'd usually talk about. I felt safer in that hotel room with Charlie on the phone. I felt so safe, in fact, that I accidentally fell asleep in the middle of the call. Charlie texted me about it in the morning. He said it was adorable, since, although we were separated, he still got to watch me sleep.

Technology.

On Sunday, I packed up my things and left for home.

I was beginning to get a hang of using my phone, ordering another Uber as if I had done so a million times before.

Getting into the Uber, I acknowledged the fact that the car would be taking me to a destination that will probably change my life forever.

What I was about to do was terrifying. Completely, utterly terrifying.

But, I had to do it.

What if they don't love me anymore?

What if they treat me differently?

What if they are disappointed in me? Or worse, themselves?

All these thoughts raced through my mind as the distance between myself and my home decreased inch by inch.

My limbs felt fragile and began to tremble. I was getting nervous shocks, goosebumps were running down my spine. I pulled at my whiskers multitudinous times.

I love my family. I would never want to lose them.

I'm sure, by now, you know what I'm doing.

I'm sure you understand how hard this is for me, to out these feelings that have been locked inside of me my whole life, feelings that I never came to terms with because I believed so passionately that it wasn't how I should've felt.

People tell you that's not how you should feel.

My family, my parents, struggled and toiled for 18 years of my life, providing for me, loving me, shaping me into the person they want me to be.