A Boy Named Conan

Pregnancy Body confidence Issues, and emotionally Shopping

             I woke up around 7:30 in the morning today.  It has now been 3 months since I've gotten pregnant.  I go to the bathroom.  I have to pee.  I also start to not feel good.  In more than just the nausea and pain kind of way.  I pee, with the trash can in front of me.  I'm holding it up to my face.  I feel like I am so close to throwing up.  I hate that feeling.  10 minutes goes by, and I don't throw up.  I am suddenly not nauseous anymore.  Thank goodness I was able to get through that intense nausea without throwing up.  I wipe, and finally get off the toilet.  Now here comes the part where I don't feel good in the other way.  I stand in front of the mirror, and start sobbing as I stare at my body.  "My god, look at me! I have such a huge stomach!"  I think to myself.  I sob loud to the point Conan could hear me.  He knocks on the door and says, "babe? Are you okay?  Can I please come in?"  He asks, in a soft, sweet, concerned tone of voice.  "OMG Yes PLEASE! I need you! You don't need to ask to come in.  Especially if you think I need you."  I say through sobs.  "Okay! I'm coming in!"  He says.  He opens the door and quickly comes in and closes it.  "OMG! Come here! What is wrong?!"  He asks, with his arms open, ready to embrace me.  "I just feel so Ugly! I'm SO fat! I don't look the same way I did before!" He looks absolutely crushed! He tears up. "Ohhhhh, BABEE! You have your beautiful face you've always had! And the same heart! And yes I'm aware that the heart is not a physically seen feature.  But it is my favorite and most important feature of you."  He says, sweetly.  He continues, "And just to let you know, You're absolutely PERFECT! You know what that belly means?!"  He asks, and I sob even more from his sweet words.  "What?😭". I ask.  "It means that you have a human being living inside of you.  You know the baby needs room, right? It means you're providing for another life."   I sob harder and louder.  "I know!  I feel really bad for talking bad about my body/myself, when there is another human being inside of me, who is the reason for it! And the baby is a miracle! I don't want the baby to think he or she is anything less than a miracle.  I feel like it's really quite selfish to only think of my body, and not the baby.  And also, the fact, I feel bad for saying such bad things, while the reason for it is so lovely!"  I say.  "I know.  But please don't make yourself feel bad about that too now."  "You're right.  I already have enough emotional thoughts, that are not in any way good for my mental health.  But thankfully I have you to help me through all these negative body comments.
After a few minutes of hugging me tightly and rocking me side to side, attempting to calm me down much more, we decide to go lay down in bed. He cuddles me close and tight again, like always, in that extremely loving way. "You know, laying in your arms is the most comforting place to be. I feel so much better!" "Good. And every time you say such horrible things about your body, I will remind you.... Your body is amazing! Your body stretches and moves around, to accommodate the babies life in your belly. From the inside, the baby thinks your belly is perfect. Sure, the baby might need to upgrade it once in a while. But it's nothing about your belly. It's because the baby is growing. And I will love you through every single stage of this pregnancy. Every bit of growth your stomach makes, I will love it. Honestly, this is more to love I think! Think about it, a big belly, and a baby living in that belly. Plus you!" I tear up again. "OMG Conan! You are the absolute SWEETEST! I can't! I'm going to CRY! I'm not mad by the way." I say, with a slight chuckle. "Can I take a selfie of us? And can you maybe take a pic of my stomach? I don't care that I'm crying. It's real. I would like to post on Instagram." "Sure babe!" He smiles wide for the selfie. Then he looks at me so lovingly. So I take a selfie then as well. I then get up out of bed, and hand him the phone. He takes a picture of me, tears welling up in my eyes. I smile looking at my belly. Then we take a mirror selfie, where he hugs my stomach, and kisses it. "Oh, Alexa! Play Just The Way You Are, by Bruno Mars." It starts playing, and again, I start bawling. "Oh my gosh, I can hardly handle this. However I prefer this, over negative tears. So I'll recover. Lol." I say. Tears rapidly fell, and he stepped up to wipe them away for me, and played with my hair, as we stood there. It was a very intimate moment. And of course, just like moaning isn't always sexual, obviously this type of intimacy was not a sexual kind. Just a sweet kind. "You are the best Fiancé ever! I think everyone deserves a Conan in their life. Which is why I want to make an instagram post, to show all my followers the kind of love they deserve." "Well do it then! I think that is so sweet of you!" "And guess what? I know you will be the best father to this child!" "Thank you babe. I will try my best." He says. "And just like with me, you will succeed. Honestly, I don't even think you try with me." I say. "Exactly, I don't try. It's just natural to me." Conan says. "Well then you don't have to try with our child. You should trust your natural instincts. You'll do just fine!" I say, kissing him in a soft, sweet way. "Thank you so much! I will try to do things naturally. I just feel like it would be a bit more complicated than just going by instinct. I guess I just want to have instinct, but also to have thoughts to help out, because this is our CHILD! It makes me nervous." "Baby, baby, trust me. It will be okay! I promise you." "Okay. Thanks again! You're boosting my confidence, and easing my fears and stress." "Good. Because I don't want you to be stressed." I say sweetly, putting my hands at the top of his head. He tears up again, saying, "I can't WAIT To meet this child, and to give it the best life possible!" "I know, neither can I! It will be a beautiful, magical thing." We sit back down. We have "Just the way you are" on repeat. He wants to make sure I get that stuck in my head. As I sit on the bed, I open up the Instagram app. I select my photos and caption it: "Get yourself a man who eases your self confidence issues. My sweet Conan, said "Your body is amazing! Constantly growing and stretching to accommodate the babies life in your belly. From the Inside, the baby thinks your belly is perfect. Sure, the baby might need to upgrade it once in a while. But it has nothing to do with your belly. It's because the baby is growing. And I will love you through every stage of this pregnancy. Every bit of stomach growth, I will love it. Honestly, this is more to love I think! I mean think about it! There was you, which I already loved with my whole heart, now there's two additional things to love: A bigger belly, and a baby that is causing this belly." And he was also reminding me of the most important thing when I was sobbing in the Mirror about how much my body has physically changed. He said, "your heart is the same! That is the most important feature. Sure, it's not a physical thing. But it's the most important feature." And I kid you not, we've had "Just The Way You Are", by @BrunoMarsofficial on Repeat, because he wants to make sure I get that positive thought in my head. About how amazing I am, just the way I am. I love that boy SO freaking much! I wanted to post this, so that anyone else out there, knows what kind of man to be looking for. If you're not in a relationship with a man who says stuff like that, or compliments your big pregnancy body at all, then you're not in the right relationship boo! I love you all so much! 😘😌" I end the caption, and hit post. Bruno commented: "Wow, I'm touched that my song is being used to help you with your body confidence. Thanks for sharing this wonderful, touching story. And thanks for tagging me so I could see this! Shoot, this makes ME tear up. And yes, you are amazing!" I smile huge and like and reply. "OMG thanks SO much for the comment, and also, I'm glad you have been touched by this. And you're welcome! It's my pleasure to have tagged you." I say.
Conan asks, "Hey, if you're feeling up to it, would you wanna go shopping for some baby clothes and other minor things? Maybe some toys? A crib? Just emotionally shop, For the appropriate thing. The baby." "Oh yes! I'd LOVE that!" I say, lighting up. "Okay, then let's go." He grabs the Keys to the car, locks the door to the house, and we hop in the car, and we are on our way. It takes about 30 minutes to get to the store. We go to the baby section and I am so happy instantly! "OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE! CLOTHES!" The first thing I pick up is a ladybug onesie, with plush wings. "Hey, I have a feeling it's gonna be a girl." I say. "Really? What makes you think that?" He asks. "I have no idea. It's just a gut feeling. I guess we'll find out in tomorrow's First ultrasound." I say. "Oh YEAH! I forgot about that! I'm SO Excited!" Conan says.  "I KNOW! We FINALLY get to see our beautiful baby for the first time! And, I think our daughter would be named Gabriella, June, or Luna."  I say.  "AWW, I LOVE those names!" Conan shouts. I pick out a yellow button up onesie, that says, "mommies little ray of sunshine." "Oh my gosh look at this!" I say, holding the yellow onesie up, before putting it in the cart with the ladybug one. "AWW! That IS adorable!" Conan agrees. Conan finds an adorable frog pajama set. He picks that up and puts it in the cart. Then I see an adorable cow onesie, with little pink and brown spots. To go with the yellow sunshine onesie, get a navy blue outfit, not a onesie surprisingly. Lol. A long sleeve with long pants. It has a moon on the shirt, and moon and stars on the pants. "I'm getting this because as well as my sunshine, he or she, (which I'm confident the baby will be a she), will also be my moon." "Aww, That is so sweet! I love that!" He says. I smile without my teeth showing. "Thank you So much for bringing me here! This is exactly what I need. These clothes are all So CUTE!" I say, in a high pitch voice. "You're welcome baby. I want you to be happy." "I know you do, and you make sure to make me and keep me that way." I say, smiling more. We keep looking at some clothes.  "Hmmm... *gasp* wanna come back to this?  I just spotted an ADORABLE ladybug security blanket!"  "Sure!"  "Well, I'm thinking I know what I want the baby shower theme to be.  Ladybugs. Lol."   "Okay! That sounds so adorable!"  Conan says.  "When we get home we'll plan out all The details."  It was a super soft, velvety, bright red blanket, with spots, and had a plush ladybug attached to the top of it.  It even has a velcro square.  We even found a ladybug headband.  Then we went to look for toys.  We found some big teddy bears, we bought 2 of them.  Like, giant, bigger than human size.  Then we found toys that are airy, kinda like dog chew toys.  But for babies obviously.  Then we got her 3 mini stuffed animals, for the crib.  Then we went to pick out a crib.  We decided on a white rocking crib.  "Okay, I think we might need to be done for now, until we have the baby shower."  "Agreed."  I gasp.  "WAIT! There's An ADORABLE set of bed sheets! Baby pink! It could go with the theme of the bedroom!"  "Okay! Let's get it!"  He says, excitedly.    "Oh my gosh I can't HANDLE the excitement I have to meet this child! To bring her into this world!  Can we PLEASE work on the nursery room when we get home?  Coming shopping for the baby has lifted my spirits by A LOT!"  "Yeah! Of course! That sounds like so much fun!"  Conan says.  We rush to check out, and rush back to the car, anxious to get home to work on the baby nursery.