Chapter 50

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What is love?
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*Edited

What is love? When you see the word, one of the first things that come to your mind would be, a feeling where you feel complete with a person. Now when I ask who do you love? Some might say their parents, siblings, friends, maybe their pets, and then their significant other, some might even say themselves.

"What a foolish thing it is, Ava," I told myself, having no one else to talk to

But when I ask who do you love the most? Well, that's where the trouble begins, am I right? How could you ever choose between your parents and that one best friend you've had not for a long time but for the most important time. How can you choose between your partner and your pet? How can you choose between your heart and your reason to live? They might seem the same, but they're not.

You see, your heart is what purifies every last drop of your blood and sends it to the rest of the body, whereas, your reason to live is what keeps your heart motivated to do its job.

So, when I ask you to tell me who is your heart and who is your reason to live, you might not be able to answer to it. Because it's not the choice between who is what, it's the choice between who is more important.

When you tell someone that they have your heart, you actually mean that whenever they're there you feel purified, like no one can be this pure. And when you tell them that they're the reason you live, then you've rendered the purpose of your heart obsolete.

"You seem like someone straight out of Dr. Phill," I mocked myself, hoping to calm my nerves.

Like I said, it's never easy to choose between the two, so what will you do if you are faced with such a choice. I wish I loved myself enough to choose me, so I'm guessing that's my way of saying that someone else is the reason I live.

Who? I don't know yet. But what I do know is that I do not have to make the choice now, at least not right now.

2 days. The most wonderful 2 days of my life. Everything was falling into place, two of my best friends were happy, the love of my life, my own personal grumpy puppy was happy, and the other two people, who I never thought will be the part of my life, were happy.

At that point, in that moment it all felt complete, yet still not fulfilling. My best friend was not here, the one I have adored longer, the one who knows me more, the one who knew the reason for every call I made before I could even say 'Hello'. A part of my heart was missing, a very important part, which meant that a very important part of his life was missing as well.

What I failed to realize earlier was that we all, my friends, his friends, me, and him, we are all tied together by an invisible string. That string has scratches from when we tried to resist, some knots that can never be straightened out, and a few places from where it is almost at the verge of falling apart. But even now, even today, even at this moment, that single string is holding us together, and I am afraid that if someone pulls hard enough, it might not be able to remain that way for long. One pull, just one strong enough tug, and we all will fall apart. I am not afraid of the fact that it will break, but rather the fact that this time, it won't be strong enough to keep another knot.

"What are you, a poet now?" all these stupid words were a failed attempt to calm my nerves.

I worship Taylor Swift because she knows how to express her feelings better than most people in the world. One of such moments was when she said, "I've found that time can heal most anything," and then she said, "time can heal but this won't." This is just another example that not every wound is healable, and some manage to leave scars, scars that cannot be healed, that are there on you like an imprint until after you are laying lifeless in your own flesh. Because you can't escape from them even in your death. Some, you might not want to look at, and others you cherish forever.

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