41. A late regret

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~ Do not learn how to react, learn how to respond.

Zameer

"I saw him," Zehra muttered.

"What!?"

"After mama went inside, I peeped through the door knob and saw him. You know he's become so old. I can't help but pity him."

Oh my Lord.

"Zehra, let's go see him." I said, then shook my head. "No, forget I said that. Why am I even bothering to ask you? You never cared about dad," I continued.

A look of hurt flashed her eyes. "You don't know the reason, Zameer. You never bothered to ask either."

"Oh yeah? You sound like mom," I said with distaste.

"You hate Dad anyway, don't you? Then why bother taking his side when all these years he was to blame?" Zehra murmured.

"I don't hate him," I scoffed. "If he comes back then I'll forgive him. Unlike mom, it was her fault dad left anyway. She was the reason for their fights. She always finds faults in people. You know right, everytime I speak something she always yells."

Zehra was silent. Then looking away she said, "Do you know dad married again?"

"What!?" I asked shocked.

"I heard mama speaking and when I confronted her she agreed," she said. "He married again while he was still married to mama."

"Say what!?" I yelled again.

"Mama didn't know until two years before they divorced. You know even after knowing that, and amidst all their fights, she agreed to live with him because she knew that we loved our father. But then one day she found out that he has another child too. It was then she thought of divorce, and that is why that day after dada angrily left the house, mama too left together with us."

"No... no... how come I didn't know?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"Did you ever ask? No. You always misunderstood us. You still blame mom and me. Do you know the feeling of how hard it is to choose over one of your parents? It's... I... why? What did I do? What's my fault? Why!!? Why, big brother?"

"Zehra..." I whispered.

Zehra for the first time spoke with detest, a lone tear escaping her eyes, "I wish you weren't such a bad son and brother. No matter how much you are good for others, if you aren't good for your own family, what's the purpose of it? Will you ever change, Zameer?"

I remained speechless. An unknown feeling arousing in my heart.

Few more tears left her eyes. She whispered, "I will wait for the day you respect and love your family. Because in the end, this is your family. Dada is just our father, our step dad may not be our father, but he holds a special place in this family, much more greater than our own father."

She walked away. I leaned back in my chair with a stunned expression. Is it all my fault? What did I do?

Am I a bad son?

Will I ever be forgiven?

In the end, it was all my parents' fault. My father's. My mother's. Mine. Our fault. Our luck. Our tragedy.

Will we ever be okay?

My thoughts were disrupted with a banging of the door. Huh?

Getting up from the chair I went towards the door, only to be stopped with a sniffing mom and Zehra. "Now what!?"

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