The Promises Unfulfilled✅

29. Astonishment

~ It dosen't get easier, you just get stronger.

Shehzad

I stood alone with thoughts possessing the peace of my mind; staring at the high tide, the waves, the pale blue sky and the darkened ocean, the sound of the birds chirping and flying freely, like a melodious music to one's ears. Looking at the beauty of nature, all I could wish for was to fly high and be free.

Looking back, I wonder why I had shared my thoughts to Zameer. At that time all I could think was how I'll be treated by my wife. As much as it sounds like a stupid thought, it was one thing I was scared of.

It was true. I never stood up to myself. It was always Zameer who'd protect me. Ever since we had met each other at the age of eight, we'd hooked up well. Not just us, but our families too. He's used to being strong, to control, but me? Never.

My parents don't tell anything though, because I already did everything what they wished for, from being a religious guy to a doctor; unlike my sisters, cousins and friends. They'd say me to 'man up' or 'such a nerd', worst of all is that they never seemed to point out my good stuff.

It's just for fun, they say. Fun? Then why does it feel like a part of my confidence is broken? Or should I really man up? Am I acting like a child? Why can't they understand that I am not used to attention? That it hurts when they speak in that way putting my honour down?

How I wish if someone could rely on me. If only I could stand up for someone. To be needed, to be loved, to be there to wipe a tear. To put a smile on someone's face. To make someone proud. Are these stupid wishes? I cracked a smile. They are, aren't they? 

That day when my own twin, Shahid had died, when we were just seven, the pain, the cries, even hearing all of that, all I could do was crack a smile and tell them I am fine. If only they'd asked whether if I really was. If only they'd known how much I had wanted to tell mom not to worry, to tell them all that they could rely on me. It seemed I was a boy who could do nothing, but just watch. To go with the flow. Just like that.

***

"Where's the food?" Zameer glared at the waiter, who kept apologizing for the delay.

For the past hour we've been sitting here, doing nothing. As usual Zameer had dragged me here. "Fool. Idiot. Stupid," he kept on muttering under his breath.

"Zameer, do dhikr if you are bored." (Supplication / religeous utterance)

"Hah! Whatever," he replied, offended. I just rolled my eyes.

Just then we heard a loud voice calling us, "Ho guys!!" The whole resturant snapped their eyes towards our direction. This is so humiliating.

"Speak of the devil, here he comes," Zameer muttered. When did we even speak of the devil?

"My favourite two people! Shez and Zam how are you? Long time no see!"

I cringed at the nickname.

"Who are you?" Zameer asked yawning. Aahil looked offended, but nonetheless seated himself at our table and ordered drinks, desserts and junk food. Seriously!

Aahil was a year younger than us. We weren't that good friends either, we'd just met at his sister's aka Ammar's wedding.

"So watcha doin, Shez?" He grinned.

"Waiting for the food," Zameer replied instead. I just nodded.

"I like you so much maan! You are so cool," Aahil said admirably looking at Zameer, who just turned his face away. I looked at him amused.