More to You ✔

Chapter 32 - New Year Reflections (Mitch)

On the beach, Mitch, Hans, and Peter stared at the ocean as the sun tucked itself below the horizon. The waves calmed in its wake. The tropical winter heat had lost its intensity. Mitch tried not to wonder what the sunset was like up North and with whom Maria was spending it. Would she find someone to kiss at midnight, or would that tradition even hold in Prae's family? He sighed and closed his eyes. He shouldn't be thinking about that.

Hans sat beside Mitch on the palm tree whose horizontally growing trunk provided a perfect seat. 

"Is she still stuck in your mind?" He passed Mitch a lit joint.

After a glance down the beach where Shawn took photos for the women they'd dove with a safe distance away, Mitch accepted it. He stared at the glowing ember and tendrils of smoke escaping. Since Christmas, he'd tried to stay sober, and he wasn't looking to get baked, but a few hits would take the edge off. The past few days, his need to check his texts with Maria and her social media feed was bordering on obsession. He inhaled deeply, holding the harsh smoke in his lungs, then passed back the blunt. He exhaled in the other direction, his tension floating away before a cough tickled his throat.

"It'll pass, just not yet."

The corner of Hans' eyes wrinkled as he chuckled. "You make it sound like a kidney stone."

Mitch grimaced. Living with himself after he'd rejected Maria and selfishly slept with a stranger because he didn't have the balls to tell he wanted to date her too had been like a knee to the groin. Her pain and tears...

"What is she like?" Hans asked.

The image of her sauntering around her apartment, laughing as they cooked together, filled his mind. Mitch's lips tugged into a smile. "She's funny, even when she's not trying to be. She has this way of reading people, of seeing what's lurking beneath the surface, and she uses that to help instead of harming them. Compassion pours out of her, so much so she's prone to being hurt or used. She wants to believe in the good in others and their ability to change, but..."

"You're not sure you want to change for her?"

"I know I have to, and I've known that longer than I've known her, but I don't think I can control everything I do. I'm afraid of how that will affect her. It already has."

Hans nodded. "It sounds like you are on the right path especially if you recognize the harm you've caused."

Shawn wandered towards them while the ladies took more photos. He sat beside Mitch and raised an eyebrow at the joint, but didn't comment.

"You've shed your groupies," Mitch commented.

"Came to see what trouble you're getting into," Shawn said.

Hans laughed and said, "Oh the worst kind, the kind from which you don't recover." He waved Peter over and patted the log next to him.

"What kind of trouble is that?" Shawn's forehead wrinkled.

Hans smiled and slung an arm around Peter's shoulder. "Love."

Mitch's shoulders slumped, and his eyes burned either from exhaustion or the days of diving in saltwater. He couldn't be in love, could he? Sure, he cared about Maria as a friend and found her attractive in many ways, but he wouldn't fall for someone for whom he was so terribly suited.

He'd fallen in love before, but not like this. It was that all-consuming, reciprocated kind that swept away any worries about finals, losing basketball scholarships, or even what Em was suffering through long before her illness. Mitch sighed. If he could take back the last one, he would. With Lisa, he'd transitioned from fearing they might ruin the relationship by saying or doing the wrong thing to worrying an external factor, like sickness or a tragic accident, would take her away as it was the only thing that would tear them apart. Until Mitch had doused his loving relationship in gasoline and lit a match.