More to You ✔

Chapter 38 - Guilt (Maria)

Rialoves2cook: I'm going to be raw with you guys for a minute. Dating is harder than I thought it would be. Ghosts of my ex keep popping up when I least expect it, but I'm ultra grateful Tom gives me the support and space to deal with it (and yes, he's the cute redhead that's been scouting out the amazing restaurants in most of my recent posts). I hope for my lovely single followers that there are plenty of people like him for you.

#wishIcoulderasemypast #forevergratefulforthepresent

Posted: January 22nd, 9:15 PM

CamillaTomas: So happy for you, iha! Be safe and take your time.

YourOnlySunshine: Ria, we gotta chat when Tom's not whisking you away on these adorable dates. I want to hear all about them <3.

TomDemchuk: #forevergratefulforyouRia <3

***

It had only taken one silly word to undermine the confidence Maria had in her relationship with Tom. One word which probably meant nothing to the man who uttered it but made her heart leap in ways Tom never had.

I love this new Maria.

She listened for the word in every conversation to see how frequently it appeared. It had to be often, but it wasn't. Mitch couldn't stand the idea of a relationship, so it was beyond irrational to believe that word meant more than it did. But recognition had flickered in his eyes like he'd let those words slip without meaning to and regretted it. What else wasn't he saying and why?

You're over-analyzing again. He warned you not to do that. You'll only get hurt. He's always been honest about what he wants, and it's not a relationship with you.

She tried to focus on Tom, who was talking about his class project related to structures and balance or something she'd zoned out of, and she hated herself for it. He'd mentioned his ex had never understood his passion for work, and here she was thinking about a man she wasn't dating instead of paying attention to the one she was.

"And Prae said that Aom's older brother, who's a structural engineer for the new high-rise condos downtown, would talk to the kids."

"That sounds awesome," Maria threw some enthusiasm into her words.

Tom stared at the jar of fish sauce on the restaurant table. "Sorry, I've bored you to tears."

"No, I'm just... no, it's not you."

He reached out and laced his fingers through hers. "What's wrong?"

With his full attention on her, she felt guilty she couldn't do the same and worse that affection for another man had caused her distraction. She wanted to be honest, but she couldn't risk losing Tom. He was a good guy, and she needed to give this a shot without sabotaging it.

"I'm processing a lot of feelings."

He stroked her hand. "Negative ones?"

"A mix, I guess." It wasn't an outright lie since guilt and shame were present.

"What you went through with your ex was difficult. It'll take time to get over."

She looked into his compassionate eyes. Since they'd started dating, he finally saw her and what she needed after months of him coming on way too strong. It made her loathe herself that much more for being unable to shake Mitch's words.

"Thanks, Tom."

"I have a hard time with trust and jealousy because my ex cheated. I worry someone will swoop in and sweep you off your feet when I think things are going amazing, which they are."