More to You ✔

Chapter 56 - The River Part 3 (Mitch)

Trigger warning: This chapter deals with depression, suicidal thoughts, and plans (but no attempt). While it does explore a character who uses suicidal thoughts and plans as a means to cope, I do this as a way of showing how depression manifests in the character and it is not intended to encourage this as a solution. If you are experiencing mental health challenges, please seek help and reach out to someone you trust.  

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Shawn hadn't said a word at his side, or if he had, Mitch hadn't heard it. His best friend had spent years dealing with Mitch's emotional bullshit, and his personal life suffered. He dedicated too much time to taking care of his friend's emotionally stunted drunk ass to have a genuine relationship.

Today was no different. He would be out with Emma if Mitch hadn't dragged him out to ease his fractured conscience. The conversations would have been about the feelings he had for that woman instead of Mitch's mess. Mitch was still the same fuck-up, holding his best friend back.

The air grew warmer against his skin, spreading a wildfire itch across it. Each breath was shallower and less satisfying that the last. His brain ached and pin-points of pain shot from the back of his neck across his scalp as if a razor-legged spider were crushing it.

Imagine the lives Maria and Shawn would have... how happy they would be... how free they would be...

If you were gone.

Shawn and Emma travelling Asia together, him sad at first, but ultimately lighter and more carefree than when Mitch was his burden.

Maria, in the arms of someone who saw her value the second he met her. Who never let a whisper of doubt about her amazing nature enter her mind. They'd have a happy marriage, and great kids, while Mitch would fade into a memory she kept in a dark box like her ex where he belonged.

His headache intensified and his chest ached at the visions, but there was only one way for his friends to achieve those dreams. For once, he would do something right.

The river called to him, offering him a reprieve from this pain. With a few gulps of water, his body would be free of his messed up mind. Floating away with the current. The thought alone soothed him. Perhaps he'd even see his sister again, although the odds of heaven existing or him qualifying were slim.

"Mitch!"

A sharp pressure on his shoulder jolted him back.

Shawn's furrowed brow and concerned brown eyes bore into his as his friend blocked the river. "You okay?"

Shawn's grip loosened as Mitch brought his fingers to his cheeks, which were warm and wet to the touch. When had that happened? He took a deep breath to regain his composure. He couldn't lose it in front of Shawn.

The sky darkened to a star-speckled navy above them. Darkness would keep worried onlookers from foiling his plan.

One more inhalation calmed Mitch down. "Why do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"This, tolerate me, talk me through my terrible choices. You're a good person, and I'm—"

"In pain. It's hard to look or do your best from there. Once you move past it—"

Shawn was too understanding. Another reason Mitch needed to succeed with his plan.

"I've had three years and only gotten worse, taking everyone down with me."

Shawn pressed his palms into his jeans. "Mitch—"

"You can't deny I've hurt people, too many people, and I need to stop it."

"Tell me how I can help."