Love Me.

Part 40

KHUSHI

I inhaled deep breaths trying to calm myself down, my whole body was trembling and I was feeling out of breaths, seeing him again was so difficult, I was trying so hard to be okay on my own, to accept that he won't love me and just be normal and then he shows up again and messes up with my mind.

That was the whole reason why I blocked his number. I didn't want to see him, to talk to him or be in touch with him in any way whatsoever, that was the only way I thought I could heal from this but here he was again.

Why was he making it harder for me? It was clear I dint mean as much as Sona to him and I was trying to make my peace with it, why wouldn't he let me?

I leaned against my car, but this feeling wouldn't go away, I knew it was just a panic attack and I would be okay in a few minutes but I hated feeling this way, I wished it would stop.

So far, I had tried drowning myself into work, going out with Manvi to crazy places hoping it would distract me and just roam around the town anytime I was busy so I would stop feeling whatever I was feeling, but none of it seemed to be helping, so today I tried a new technique, acting like a stranger.

I thought that maybe if I acted like I didn't know him and dint care about his existence whatsoever, it would make things better, but it didn't, it just made things worse. I never wanted him to be a stranger to me, he meant the whole world to me, I wish he could see that.

As I finally calmed down and the panic attack stopped, I got into my car and drove back home where NK and Manvi were waiting for me.

"You said you'll be back in ten minutes, it's been like over an hour, I called you and you didn't pick, do you get how worried I was?" Manvi asked.

"I'm sorry, I ran into Arnav." I shrugged.

"What? You ran into him? Did you talk to him? Why are you doing this to yourself again Khushi?" She stood up and walked towards me, she seemed angry at me and worried at the same time.

"I didn't talk to him, though he kept on saying he had something to say to me but I just acted like I didn't even know him... it's getting too much, I don't think I can handle this pain." I said sadly.

"Maybe you don't have to handle it. Did you try talking to him at least? Listen to him for once, maybe whatever he has to say is a way to end all this pain?" NK suggested.

"I thought the same too, I tried to go talk to him that day at the wedding, but then seeing him with Sona just made me change my mind. With her around, I'm sure I don't mean much to him anyway, so whatever he might have had to say, isn't worth listening to."

"Exactly." Manvi agreed with me.

"Okay, the both of you are acting insane here! Look I get it, he hurt you but if he's been trying to talk to you every chance he gets don't you think it might really be important? You can't just assume things without talking to him Khushi, things aren't always what they seem to be.

If he was with Sona, I don't think he would be trying so hard to talk to you. I get it, it's hard and maybe you can't face him, but you can at least call him, or text him and ask him what it was that he wanted to say, if you fear facing him, then talk to him over a call but give it a chance at least." NK looked pretty angry.

I know he was right, but he had ended up disappointing me so many times, what was to say he wouldn't do the same again?

"What are you waiting for?" He asked.

"I blocked his number." I bit my lips nervously.

"Oh God... just unblock it and send him a text or something, come on Khushi, stop being so unreasonable."