Love Me.

Part 52

KHUSHI

The feelings dint last for long.

I thought after confronting Sonakshi, everything would be great, it had started to feel so as soon as I walked out of her place but then as the day went on, something just felt wrong, I really dint know what it was exactly but you know that feeling where your gut tells you something is really wrong, and it scared you so badly you start to worry, I was feeling that way.

I decided to cut the day short and headed back home hoping I'd feel differently but nothing really changed, it was like I was trying to make myself believe that there was something wrong somewhere even when everything was perfect right now.

Anytime I thought I had made things better somehow they just ended up feeling worse and I wasn't even sure why, could it be because of my anxiety?

I freshened up as soon as I got home and then got myself some snacks while I picked a movie to watch hoping it would distract me from all these random thoughts and feelings.

I mean it was so crazy, I was happy in life wasn't I? I was living well, planning weddings and enjoying them and then everything changed suddenly and nothing was like before, I wished it could be, but it wasn't.

I stared at the TV trying hard to brush off the thoughts but it was so freaking hard, even the movie couldn't distract me, and I was starting to get frustrated. Why couldn't anything feel good? Why did I have to keep feeling this way? It was just so hard to be this person that dint feel happy about anything anymore and it broke me.

"Khushi! You okay?" Arnav came rushing towards me while I tried to wipe off my tears.

"When did you come? How come I didn't notice you walk in? how didn't I hear the door open?" I looked at him in confusion.

"You looked zoned out, it was like you were in some deep thought and then I saw tears and got worried, did something happen?" He cupped my face and looked me into the eyes.

"Yeah, but it was supposed to make me feel good, it isn't. I don't feel any better." I shrugged.

"What are you talking about?" he looked so confused, same Arnav, I was confused too, about everything that was going on in my life.

"After we talked this morning, I felt like I needed to confront Sonakshi or at least warn her to stay away from you, I thought once I do that, I would stop feeling insecure and my anxiety would disappear and I would be back to who I was before all this happened but none of it happened.

Confronting her didn't help, I still feel so terrible and now I even feel like I shouldn't have done that because you know that isn't who I am, I don't go on to random people's house and warn them about things or whatever, neither do I sit at home and cry this stupidly. I hate feeling this way." And the tears were back! Only if I could stop crying for heaven sake.

"Hey, it's okay... you're feeling too many emotions at once so you're overwhelmed that's why you're feeling this way right now. Look, if I could, I would have changed how things happened in the past but I can't, the damage is done, and you are hurt, which is okay but it looks like you're putting too much pressure on yourself, you want to heal immediately which isn't possible.

Look, if you got hurt physically, the wounds won't heal immediately will they? You'll have to give them time, the same way the mental and emotional pain you are in right now won't go away just at once, you have to give it time babe.

I think the reason why you confronted Sonakshi was because you thought that if you do that, you will get back to normal because that's sorted out, but that's not how it works and I am so sorry that you're going through all this, I really just want you to feel better and you will, you just have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.