Radiators are my only weakness (Classroom of the elite x oc)

Chapter 41

"Okay, Rekka, Ayanokoji. That moment you feel you do something better than others...isn't it just the best?" Kushida asked us.

"I don't care for it." I answered making her let out a gasp, she looked at me like I was lying to her.

"Back in elementary school, people would lavish me with praise over the smallest accomplishments. If I got the best grade on a test or placed first in a race, I'd be the center of attention." Kushida explained how she used to be the best at wherever she did. "So awesome, so impressive, so charming."

"You two have had those moments in the spotlight yourself, haven't you?" She asked us. "More than anything, I wanted the spotlight. More than anything, I wanted praise! And in the moments I received those things, I felt so worthwhile."

"You turned into a people pleaser, didn't you?" I asked and she paused.

"I guess, I just had a desire for recognition." Kushida explained and I was very interested since I have never felt that. "I feel that more strongly than others, and I became dependant on it."

"You became addicted to it!" I exclaimed. "Recognition just like Suz!"

Suzune flinched in surprise that I even compared the two of them, but Suzune has a desire that can be fulfilled while Kushida's will break her eventually as it did in middle school probably.

"But...I soon found my limit." Kushida admitted as I expected. "No matter how hard I worked, academically or in sports, nobody gave me any more attention. And so I realized...I just had to do the things nobody else wanted to do!"

"Eh?!" I let out confusing her. "That's so boring!"

"I'd be the nicest and the friendliest. And that made me number one! Number one in popularity!" Kushida yelled at me like I'm supposed to respect her plan, but it was stupid. "The ecstasy of being needed, of being trusted! It was bliss!"

"You had another limit." I pointed out. "I have one. Things I don't like annoy me easily like exams."

"...volunteering to do the things nobody else wants to do is painful..." Kushida admitted. "Well, of course, it's painful. But if I don't suck it up. If I want to maintain my popularity, I can't throw away what I have. I endured, endured and kept enduring."

"But...who could possibly keep that up..." Kushida hissed. "Forever? The only outlet I had at the time was my blog!"

I was shocked and then laughed surprising her and Suzune. "A blog? Just write it and throw it away." I pointed out the easy solution.

"I didn't think of that." She admitted. "I got lost in the relief, I could vent all the secret stress I couldn't reveal to anyone. And just like that, the bile in my throat went back down. But one day...my classmates happened to find my blog. I didn't use any names but based on what I said, they all knew it was me."

"They found out all the awful things I said about everyone in the class, so I know that's just how it had to be...but they really gave me an earful about it." Kushida sighed like they made a huge deal out of nothing. "After everything I'd done for all of them, they just turned on me!"

"Even the boys who said they liked me! Even the girls I comforted when their boyfriends dumped them! I mean, it's not like I didn't think those guys were gross, or that one look at the girls' faces made it obvious why they got dumped..." Kushida got very emotional again showing her true nature.