A Song of Silence

Chapter 104: Waiting in the Dark

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I was not stopped once I entered the palace. They either recognized me or someone around them did and they quickly let me through, despite the weapons attached to me. I was the woman the High King apparently loved and despite my absence, nobody wanted to take the chance of gaining his ire by refusing me entry into the palace. I walked through the bustling halls of the palace, my path virtually unobstructed by the servants that scurried to get out of the way.

One servant eventually bumped into the other and caused a bucket of water to be thrown to the floor. The servants bowed and apologized profusely to me because they had gotten my shoes wet, but I brushed off their apologies and went to help the girl that had dropped the bucket. There were sores and blisters all over her hands, most likely from working in the kitchens and scrubbing the floors with lye and water. She trembled in fear as I approached. I bent down and spoke to her, even though she would not look at me, "I would help you up, but I know my presence only frightens you, so I will make it brief. Clean up the water, so that nobody slips and go to the head healer, Dietra. She will know what to give you to make those sores go away." The poor girl nods quickly, practically whimpering at my presence, before nodding quickly. Knowing that my presence will only frighten her further, I dismiss the servants  and help clean up the mess before heading to see Azazel.

The hallways are now mostly clear when I walk through to Azazel's meeting room. Instead of Azazel there, I find the High Queen. The doors slam shut behind me as we continue to evaluate each other. I don't hate her any longer, nor do I think she loathes me any longer as well. We had formed a sort of truce after she had freed me and I had saved her son. We were even, of sorts. She had caused the death of my adoptive mother and I had killed the man she was married to. We were as even as we could be, but we were by no terms friends. Merely allies by acquaintance.

"He is not here right now," she says quietly, meeting my eyes.

"I deduced that from the lack of guards. Where is he now?" I ask.

"Dealing with some rebels and helping the poor. He has been doing a shit ton more of that since he met you." She says as I catch the sound of something different in her voice. It almost sounds like approval in her voice, but I must be wrong.

"Do you know when he will be back?"

"It could be hours, or days. Why?" She asks.

"I've come to say goodbye," I reply.

She scoffs, "After weeks of being gone you finally return just to say goodbye?" She laughs mockingly before continuing, "That boy fretted and thought of you every moment, hoping that you would return to him and every day that you did not, it killed him little by little. What happened to refusing to break his heart, because that is all you have done!" Her words are supposed to make me feel regretful, but the stagnancy has set in and I can't make myself feel much of anything. My silence perturbs her because she quickly approaches me until she can look directly into my eyes. What she sees makes her swear in surprise. "How long have you been like this?" She demands.

"A few weeks, I think. It set in after I left the guild city and went out on my own." I reply.

"Have you tried breaking it? Have you tried snapping yourself out of it?" She asks, referring to the stagnancy she saw in my eyes.

"Yes, but nothing will change and that is why I have come, to say goodbye to Azazel." I reply, my voice monotone.

"So you intend to end your life," she scoffs, "Of course you would take the easy way out."

"No, I do not intend to take my life. Merely wander until I can find purpose once more or until my life ends."

The High Queen seems to steel herself before she responds, "For both your sakes, I hope my son doesn't return for a very long time."

"I know," is all I respond before turning and exiting the room. I make my way towards my old rooms. To my surprise, my room is just as I had left it, except it smells like Azazel. His sandalwood and night scent envelops me comfortingly. He must have spent quite a bit of time here after I had left. My dresses are still in the closet and my weapons stashed under the mattress. Azazel must have known about them from the minute I had arrived at the Capital all those months ago, but for some reason he had not moved them. I would have to ask him about that when he returned. Setting my room to rights, I stripped off my blood-encrusted garments and did my best to wash the grime off of me in the tub in the bathroom. Once done with that, I settled in for the night and smothered myself in the comfortable pillows and sheets of my bed. Sleep came easily.

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Azazel did not return the next day. Or the next. Or the next after that. Days turned into a week and a week turned into two. He had been gone quite a while and the castle had not turned into a shit show in his absence. From the information I could gather, he had Ellet the capable remaining members of his court take over in his absence and they were doing a fine job. I was not a part of this group though. I could have been, but I found no joy in their presence, nor did I have wish to help rule over the fae in the castle, albeit temporarily. Instead, I would occupy my mind with walking in the palace gardens and doing whatever I liked, whether it be painting, archery, or horseback.

As a result of my repetitive schedule, I had forgotten to count the days from my last blooding. Cramps and agony woke me one morning and I couldn't find the energy to get out of bed. I would occasionally soak in the warm tub until the water got cool to try to ease the cramps, but it did not help for long. I could not go to the guards or any surrounding males for help to ease the pain either. They all knew me and knew that they would die a gruesome death if they even looked the wrong way at, let alone slept with, a fae female that Azazel had claimed as his own.

Another bout of cramps assaulted me as I curled up in my bed with a hot beverage that I had sourced from the kitchens. The beverage helped a little, but once I was done drinking it, the cramps would return in full force. I had always had bad cramps, but now they seemed to be much, much worse than before. It seemed that I would be huddled in the next few days in agony. Fucking fantastic.

Two days passed and the cramps finally lessened to where I could get out of my shelter of blankets for a few moments and walk around my room before I was assaulted with another bout of agony. It was times like this that I hated being a woman more than anything. On one particular bout, I was left curled up on the floor in a heap as I attempted to get dressed and go out for a walk in the hopes of relieving my pain.

A familiar voice spoke as I felt a hand touch my forehead, "Aerilynn, Are you alright?"