it's not over until it's over | jihan

13

joshua finds it hilarious.

the weather is great. perfect sunlight with soft wind blowing and cool air. winter season hasn't ended yet, but somehow, the weather is just perfect today.

out of all days.

the sky must be mocking joshua right now. mocking him for falling for his best friend. mocking him for wishing for the impossible. mocking him for thinking there's even a slim chance. mocking him for wanting yoon jeonghan.

because this morning, jeonghan and seungcheol had announced their relationship. they are now official.

joshua wants to laugh.

like in movies, it should be raining like there's no tomorrow. there should be thunder flashing and roaring in the sky. but, the stupid blue sky decides to match the new couple's mood.

the 'jeongcheol' title is now a reality.

just how did it happen? everything feels like a dream to him. a bad, horrible dream. he wants to wake up this instant.

before and throughout winter break, everything was fine. joshua even had a date with jeonghan two weeks ago. they were happy—joshua was happy two weeks ago. so why now?

joshua wants to blame jeonghan. he wants to think of jeonghan as a bad person, because why the fuck did he make the effort to make the lovesick male feel so special when he was going to date seungcheol a few days later? why the fuck did he play joshua like that and make him fall harder, deeper?

joshua feels hopeless—so stupid. yet, he cannot hate yoon jeonghan.

yoon jeonghan only sees him as a great buddy. a childhood friend. joshua hong is the one who is delusional.

did he congrats them? yes. this morning. he had to.

as much as he wanted disappear from the face of the earth then and there, he had to force himself to pull up the pretty smile that everybody loves. gritted teeth and clenched fists, he congratulated them before spewing an excuse to escape.

for the rest of the day, joshua keeps feeling nauseous. oh, the effect of yoon freaking jeonghan. he even skipped lunch, telling his friends he needed to speak with his professor.

joshua sighs in exhaustion. he managed to avoid the eleven chaotic humans and he cannot wait to go home to his bed. he cannot wait to lock himself up in safe space and soak his pillow with his useless, pathetic tears.

then, he receives a message from wonwoo.

[wonwoo]

wonwoo:
hyung, are you coming with us to the bar later?
u didn't answer the gc so

joshua:
huh?
oh
sorry woo
um...i don't think i'll come
i'm really tired today u know?
can u tell the others for me? thanks

wonwoo:
sure hyung
bad first day of new semester?

joshua:
well, not really lol
my classes are alright

wonwoo:
oh ok
hyung

joshua:
yeah?

wonwoo:
u know i'm always here for u, right?
we all are

joshua:
yeah...i know
thank you, wonwoo. really

wonwoo:
no problem
anyway, have a good rest
i have to go now
bye hyung 👋