it's not over until it's over | jihan

22

"you like jeonghan, right?"

do i like jeonghan? fucking hell, i love jeonghan. how does seokmin know? there's no way though. no one has been able to read through me—wait, wait. what if they have all known? fuck, fuck, fuck—

"calm down, jisoo. no one knows," seokmin speaks softly. his gaze softens as he sees joshua panicking.

"i don't know what you're talking about." joshua runs away. seokmin calls out behind him but he doesn't care. all he wants to do is to escape.

he doesn't pay attention to his surroundings. with his head hanging down, he doesn't realized a kid running towards him. him speed-walking doesn't help either, which results into a crash. he stumbles but the kid falls to the ground. the little girl starts crying loudly, snapping him out of his zone.

"m-mama, it h-hurts!" the child wails.

joshua widens his eyes and pulls the little girl up gently, being extra careful. "h-hey, i'm so sorry."

the child continues to cry. people around them are staring and whispering. joshua looks everywhere around him, trying to find the mother, but it's no use.

joshua focuses back on the child who is now wimping in pain and scared. he gently wipes the tears on her cheeks away with his thumb. "it's okay, please don't cry. i'm sorry for bumping into you."

"jisoo!" seokmin runs to the older to see him trying to calm the little girl down. "what's going on?"

"i accidentally bumped into her and she fell. she also can't find her mom," joshua's frown deepens.

now, two grown men are trying their best to calm down a 5-year-old in the middle of the street.

they really have no idea how to find the mother. they are in the middle of the side-walk, for god's sake. what's worse is that the girl has no clue where her mother is.

"ayoon-ah!" a frantic woman runs towards them with a disheveled appearance. her purse strips slipping off her shoulder.

upon hearing her name, the little girl turns around and her eyes lit up. "mama!" she frees herself from joshua's embrace and runs to her mother with her little legs.

the mother expresses her gratitude to the gentlemen for being there for the little girl. joshua also apologizes for causing the little scrape on the girl's right elbow. he offers to take her to the nearest pharmacy to treat her wound before they part ways.

the two roommates enter their dorm without a word. the moment the older takes off his shoes, he rushes to their shared room. damn it, there's nowhere to escape. should i just leave? and so joshua decides to turn around to flee for the nth time of the day.

which, is a horrible idea. seokmin is literally right in front of him, blocking his way.

"where are you going?" the taller raises his eyebrows with his arms crossed. joshua awkwardly laughs before trying to run out of the dorm, only if seokmin isn't holding both of his shoulders so firmly. lee seokmin, let me go! "nope, you are not running away anymore."

it's like i'm speaking to a child. seokmin mentally keeps notes that the older is sensitive and reserved. he leads joshua to the couch while joshua reluctantly follows. "come on, jisoo. why are you avoiding me? let's sit down and talk, okay?"

joshua is forced to face the younger, but he refuses to lift his head. he is in distressed, given that his worst nightmare became reality.

seokmin sighs at the older's stubbornness, but he understands joshua's feeling. i guess he didn't want anyone to find out. now i feel guilty for bringing it up.

he cups joshua's face with so much tenderness, as if he is made of glass—so fragile.

"it's okay. i understand that it is something you never wanted anyone to find out, and i'm sorry for figuring out your secret."

joshua shakes his head. why is it seokmin's fault for seeing through joshua? it's his own fault for not being careful enough.

"but hyung, you know what? talk to me. let go all of it. share your pain and worries—just—everything, with me. it is more painful keeping your feelings to yourself. of course, you can take your time, how ever long you want. but having at least one person by your side to share everything with is comfort."

those bambi eyes start brimming with tears. joshua cannot control his emotions anymore, especially after what seokmin just said.

seokmin takes the silent as a cue to continue on, "just like how you have been by my side since we met, i want to do the same. this is not just simply returning favors. this is about me comforting a friend that i adore and treasure. hyung, i care for you a lot. so, speak to me when you are ready. i can wait." i literally just confessed my feelings indirectly but whatever.

seokmin did say the older should let out everything, but he does not expect joshua to start wailing like a baby immediately.

seokmin bites his bottom lip, feeling guilty for wanting to laugh. this is not the time to laugh but he's so cute when he cries.

no other words are said. just joshua in seokmin's arms, looking like a small child that needs to be protected at all cost. the younger pats joshua's back gently—an action that says thousands of comforting words.

"seokmin-ah..."

"yes, jisoo?"

"i..i love him s-so much. i have l-loved him for so long, b-but he only sees me as a b-best friend."

seokmin says nothing. he sways the small guy in his arms as he listens attentively.

"it's been five years already. i-i don't know when i started seeing him as more than a friend, but it's been five years since i've accepted this pathetic love. i'm so s-scared. i'm scared he will come to know one day. w-what if he looks at me differently when that day comes? what if he doesn't want to be friends anymore? i can't afford to lose him, seokmin."

he starts crying again, "and i hate myself even more after jeonghan and seungcheol announced that they are in a relationship. i should be happy for them, but i can't. i should have gotten rid of this romantic love for jeonghan when i first found out by all means, but i didn't. i really hate myself..."

his cry becomes louder, letting his emotions get the best of him again. but it's okay, since seokmin is by his side.

"you cannot force yourself to unlove someone. it's impossible, just like how you cannot stop your heart from falling in love." joshua listens silently. seokmin is right. "what you need to do though, is to learn to love yourself."

seokmin carefully moves away from joshua. he cups joshua's wet and flushed cheeks. seokmin doesn't forget to give the other an assuring smile.

a smile that says 'no matter what, everything will be okay'.

"i'm here, to help you see how beautiful you are. hong jisoo. joshua hong. you are perfect. you are worth it, and you deserve nothing but love."

i swear this is not a seoksoo fanfic lol
but i have a soft spot for this duo :(