it's not over until it's over | jihan

33

there is no way to stop it any longer.

it's now or never.

joshua latches his shaky hand on the doorknob. fuck it. fuck everything. fuck him—

the doorknob is a millisecond away from being twisted—so close.

the next second, joshua finds himself getting pinned to the door. his eyes wide and shaking.
w-what?

lips.

jeonghan is kissing him. the blonde moves his lips roughly, trying to get the younger to do the same. however, joshua is too stunned to register what in the freaking world is happening.

everything is a mess.

a whole damn mess.

w-why? flinching back to reality, joshua frowns and pushes the older away harshly. "yoon jeonghan! what do you think—"

jeonghan cuts him off by pulling him back by the nape into an desperate kiss. joshua protests but it is to no avail. he's too strong!

jeonghan's head is clouded right now; he can't think straight. whether if joshua wants the kiss or not, he doesn't care. he just wants to claim joshua as his.

he needs to, or else he feels like he will lose him forever.

joshua's watery eyes shake as he stares at the boy. just why...why are you doing this to me?

a tear rolls down his flush cheek as he slowly closes his eyes, giving up. the hands that tried to push jeonghan away are now on his sides. he doesn't return the kiss. a part of him is afraid to do so, but he doesn't protest.

it frustrates the older that joshua isn't returning the action. 'does that mean joshua doesn't like him'? despite this worry, jeonghan refuses to declare so.

jeonghan finally disconnected their lips. his eyes slowly open to look at the other's straight in the eyes. your eyes...

"joshua," he calls. the said boy stares at him with teary eyes. "i like you."

the younger cannot believe what he just heard. it feels like a dream. ridiculous, it must be a dream.

gulping down nervously, joshua clenches his fists. he tries to hide his nervousness through hard eyes. "don't be ridiculous. no you d—"

"no, listen to me. listen carefully," the older's voice holds nothing but seriousness. the eye contact is making it harder for joshua to breathe. "joshua hong."

no, stop it. i don't want to hear it, not when i have decided to give up on you.

please...i don't want to get hurt any more than this.

because if it turns out to be a lie, there will be nothing left of me.

i want to protect myself for once...

"i love you."

jeonghan's eyes hold so much emotions. joshua has never seen him like that before. he makes it sound so real. but is he really telling the truth? does he really love him and not just in the moment?

"joshua, i love you. i really do."

the boy scoffs, "do you think you're making any sense right now? jeonghan, it hasn't even been a month since you broke up with seungcheol. you..you're just messing with me, aren't you?"

"do i look like that kind of person to you?" jeonghan's soft voice is filled with hurt and frustration.

no, he's not. of course joshua knows that. the guy may be a big flirt and hates taking things seriously, but he's not that type of person.