Barking Mad (Sirius/OC)

Until the love runs out

I'm sorry. I hated this chapter the first five times I wrote it, and I still dislike it. Maybe when I have aeons of time I'll rewrite this whole fic... Either way, sorry for my crappy writing :')

Chapter 54

I got my mind made up and I can't let go.

I'm killing every second 'til it saves my soul.

I'll be running, I'll be running,

'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.

We'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,

'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.

~Love Runs Out - One Republic

I was sitting in the Common Room, staring out the window. I had been writing to Regulus nonstop and had only just now gotten a reply. He'd simply written down in short sentences that he was fine and that he didn't want me contacting him anymore, in case our letters fell in the wrong hands. He also told me that he had an 'out' and that he wanted me to stop worrying.

I shook my head miserably. As if that was something I could just turn on and off.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, what was I going to tell Sirius? I couldn't very well let him think that Regulus was off to become a Death Eater, now could I?

But Regulus had made it clear on more than one occasion that he did not want anyone to know. What if the wrong people found out? What if they murdered his whole family? His cousin had just given birth to a baby girl, for Merlin's sake!

On the other hand, who would Sirius tell? Besides the Marauders?

And... what if Regulus survived? What if he didn't die on his mission at all and I would have died for nothing? Didn't he say he had an out? Was there such a possibility and was it incredibly selfish of me not to want to die in his stead?

I had been confronted with death so many times, had wanted to die so many times, but now that I had the chance to die for something good...

I felt a tear run down my cheek. Why wouldn't I say something? Who would cry for me besides Lily? Sirius was too angry right now, and I knew he cared, deep down, I knew, but right now even thinking his name physically hurt me. So I was purposefully leaving him out of this equation.

The question was simple.

Would I die for Regulus Black?

~**~

The question tore at my insides, and I caught myself trying to find an answer every time my mind wandered. It was Saturday morning, three days since Sirius and I had fought and two since Regulus had left. I tried to occupy my mind with other things, like watching Lily around James. I don't know what made her change her mind over the summer, but there was definitely something going on between those two.

I was watching them right then, actually. Lily had tried to walk out of the Common Room just as James walked in. They'd collided and fallen square on their butts. James tried to laugh it off, but Lily became a bright shade of red in embarrassment.

And, really, there was only one way Lily dealt with embarrassment and that was by replacing it with anger. She'd just called him a blind, blabbing babboon when I felt someone join me at my table by the window.