Barking Mad (Sirius/OC)

Wanna feel I belong

Aaaaand that's the last one for today! Let me know what you guys think!! And I sincerely hope I didn't skip a chapter this time :'D 

Love, 

Kelly

Chapter 15

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

~I'm still here - Johnny Rzeznik (Treasure Planet OST)

I spent Sunday holed up in my dorm, talking to Lily. We talked about nothing and everything at the same time. I found out that she didn't in fact loathe James as much as she wanted the school to believe. She even admitted to having had a crush on the lad in third year, but she had never acted on it because she felt like she'd be betraying Snape.

"He was and is so pigheaded," Lily murmured a bit sadly. She shook her head and gave me a smile. "I'm completely over that crush now though."

I raised an eyebrow. "But why won't you just try and see where things go with James?"

Lily shrugged and said questioningly: "I don't think I can live with a bully?"

Woah there. "Nobody's talking about living together, Lily. I'm just suggesting that you give the lad a chance."

"Maybe," Lily smiled, "I should have given it a try in third year, but I'm not the same girl anymore. I've matured and grown out of that little crush I had on him. I've had other crushes meanwhile, whereas Potter has always remained the same. He's still pulling pranks on first years, he's still bullying Slytherins whenever he can and he has these constant flings on the side. I am not looking for that in a boyfriend, Nika. This has nothing to do with him liking me. My problem is me liking him, which I don't. Not anymore, at least.

"There was a time that I thought it somewhat charming, you know. Boys will be boys, but if he ever wants anything serious in a relationship with me or someone else, he will have to mature. Nobody wants to date a little boy."

I didn't have to think long to know that she was right. I couldn't imagine James and her being together, not until he manned up and she lowered her standards a little. Because Merlin, did Lily have standards. She basically told me that she wanted a perfect boyfriend, the kind you only read about in books. I thought that unrealistic and had told her so repeatedly.

"Don't you think Sirius is perfect?" Lily asked me impatiently. "I want that. I want someone who thinks about me before going to bed. I want someone whose first thought in the morning is about me."

"That seems unrealistic, Lily. The first thought I have in the morning isn't about Sirius either."

"Then what do you think about when you open your eyes?" Lily frowned as if she thought it was impossible to not think about your crush 24/7.

Sometimes she really was a strange girl. It was always all or nothing with her and I worried that someday that way of thinking was going to get her heart broken.

"That I need to pee."

She laughed at that. "Alright, I'll give you that."

"Lily?" I asked softly. She looked at me and waited. "For a smart girl you can be really naive sometimes. You do know that, don't you?"

She gave me an indulging smile, but her eyes were sad. As if she was well aware about her own antics and her unrealistic expectations of boys and life in general. "Nika, you do realize that you're really cynical for someone your age, right?"