What No One Sees

And the Walls Came Tumbling Down

"So what should we do today?" Percy asked as Leo walked into his cabin, laying down next to him with a sigh.

"Nap. Please." Leo replied. He hadn't slept well that night, partly because Jason kept waking up from nightmares and the other part anxiety about his "therapy session."

Percy didn't oppose and pulled the blanket over the other boy before getting more settled himself.

Several minutes passed with Percy trying to sleep and Leo trying and failing to even keep his eyes closed. Finally, they snapped open and he sat up with a huff. Percy looked over slowly and waited a bit, wondering if the other would start talking. At more silence, he sat up as well and, when the other didn't seem to even register the movement, he placed a hand on the Latinos shoulder.

"Everything okay?"

Leo looked over, his expression confused and sad. Percy moved closer.

"How do people stop being alone"

Percy looked surprised at the question so Leo continued.

"I don't mean like people alone. I mean the kind of alone that makes you feel completely isolated... like no one sees you or cares.. How do you stop that?"

Percy took a moment to think. 

"I don't know... Maybe you start by talking to people?"

"I talk to people though..." Leo hugged his knees and, for a moment, Percy could see the other through their own eyes. He could feel how painful it was to talk so much and never really be heard. To smile and make jokes, only for people to roll their eyes. To never have anyone really know you.  No one asking if you're okay because you're always smiling. Never having someone ask you a serious question because you're always making jokes.

Because joking hides the pain. 

Distractions hide the pain. 

Or rather they make the pain easier to ignore. But the minute you're alone, the smile falls, the jokes stop, and suddenly you're struggling to hold back the tears. All the strength that was put into holding a smile vanishes as you finally let yourself fall apart.

Percy looked down at his hands, seeing the faded white lines on his wrists and remembering all the hurt that put it there and then all the hurt, and awkwardness, that it took to get him here. All the times he would go to therapy and accidentally overshare and then have to work through that.

"Maybe... Maybe you aren't talking about the right things."

At the questioning and slightly upset look he received, Percy continued, "Not in a bad way! But going through something like this.. I know everyone is different, but.. when I was in a really bad place, it was kind of like I never could talk to people about anything that mattered. Because what mattered to me back then was all the pain. The pain and wanting to die. 

"But those aren't exactly conversation starters." he laughed. "No, but when I finally did open up and was able to talk about that stuff.. it really helped. Especially with Mom and Annabeth. They had been really worried."

"So you think I should be more.. open?" Leo asked with a small frown. He wasn't liking this advice very much.

"Not with everyone. But opening up to the people you trust, who love you, can help."

Leo made a face and was quiet, long enough that Percy started to wonder if he said something wrong.

"I trust you,"  he finally said, his voice a soft whisper as he fidgeted his fingers. The son of Poseidon smiled and opened his mouth to reply but closed it when the other continued speaking.

"I think about dying a lot lately. I mean, I have always thought about it, but recently... I can't shake the feeling that I wasn't meant to live, that I should just die so that I'm no longer a burden... I just-" Leo's face suddenly turned pained as he grabbed his chest and Percy immediately pulled him close, concerned. "I-I can't stop feeling like everyone is better off without me! I should just die so they can stop p-pretending to care! .... Caring just means they get hurt," Leo whispered, the last part as he let himself relax against the older male. 

His breath was coming in soft and ragged pants that stung his chest and lungs. Percy gently rubbed small circles onto the smaller boys back in an attempt to help calm him down. Once his breathing came better, Percy responded. 

"Caring can be painful, maybe even dangerous, but, in the end, you don't really have a say in who cares about you. You can choose how much to tell someone, but you can't make them care or not care. Me, Annabeth, Jason, Nico, and Will all care about you. You can't change that or make us stop."

Leo didn't even know that he decided to say this. He never thought he would ever actually say this, but suddenly the words tumbled out of his mouth and no amount of wishing or regret could ever take them back.

"I killed my Mom."

Hello my pups!

How has it been going?? 

So I am slightly late, kinda not really

I'm still doing a good job T_T

I hope you enjoy this update! It's basically some Leo backstory time so look forward to that in the next chapter.

I am dead tired so GOODNIGHT!

Wolf out!