What No One Sees

*vent* Should I feel?

I'm sorry. This is a vent. Not a part of the story...

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure what I should be feeling right now. So many things are happening and I just keep putting off thinking about them because there is always something I need to do. I am always doing something, but at the same time, nothing gets done. I don't know how to go about this. Everything feels meaningless. Eating is so pointless that I don't even have an appetite anymore. I've thought about cutting to feel better... or just to feel something, but I still feel nothing. Is life supposed to be this meaningless. This... awful?

I can't... do this anymore. Fuckk. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. LIVING IS SO FUCKING POINTLESS. ... I am so worthless for feeling this way. I hate myself. I haven't told myself that in so long, but I hate myself. I never deserved this life. I wish I never existed... I just want a way to stop the pain...

...

I'm sorry.. I don't know how to keep going guys... I don't think there would really.. be any point. Death seems more appealing with every passing second. I can't stop thinking about all the different ways... I ... feel... kind of sick. 

I'm sorry this isnt the update you guys wanted ... I just really cant focus on the next chapter right now..my head.. isnt working. im sorry...