You're Like Coming Home

20.

"Meredith," Derek said in a frustrated sigh. "What the hell has been going on with you?"

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked up from her book. "I'm studying, Derek, there's nothing going on with me," she snapped.

Derek threw his pen onto the desk and turned to stare at her as she lay stretched out on the bed. "Mer, I'm not talking about right now," he said. "There's been something going on with you for weeks now. And finals are coming up, but I can't concentrate while I'm constantly thing that there's something wrong with you. Come on, Mer, talk to me."

"I don't need to talk, I need to study," Meredith replied.

"I just asked if you wanted to take a break for pizza," Derek replied. "You never turn down pizza breaks."

Meredith slammed her book shut and stood, reaching for her backpack. "If you're going to keep annoying me, I'm going to the library," she said. "I can't do this now, Derek."

"Do what?" Derek demanded, grabbing her arm and forcing her to face him. "What can't you do right now?"

"This!" Meredith snapped. "Deal with you constantly trying to protect me from everything when I'm trying to study for finals, get my mom transferred to the home from two hours away and worrying that we'll end up like Mark and Addison!"

"Mark and Addison?" Derek frowned. "Mer, they're great now. Better than they've ever been."

"But they weren't," Meredith argued. "For a long time, they weren't."

Derek frowned as he moved closer to her. "I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, Mer," he whispered. "Can you please just take five minutes to talk to me so I can figure out how to fix it?"

She stared at him for a moment before she sighed and allowed her backpack to drop to the floor. "Fine," she said. "I'm just scared, Derek. Because we're happy. And people who are happy break up all the time. And I'm afraid that something terrible is going to happen and we won't be able to recover from it."

Derek frowned. "Alright, Mer," he said softly. "I don't know what's bringing this on all of a sudden, but I'm going to promise you something, okay?"

She looked at him for a moment before she whispered, "okay."

"I promise you, Meredith, that there is nothing you could possibly do that will ever make me stop loving you."

"Really?" she whispered, her eyes wide.

"Really," Derek nodded. "I'll get mad, Mer, but that doesn't mean that I'll stop loving you. I've told you that before."

"I know," she whispered. "I just need to hear it." She paused for a moment before she asked, "What about if I was pregnant?"

Derek inhaled sharply, and he pulled back, his eyes darting briefly to her stomach before he searched her eyes. "Mer," he whispered. "Are you...is that...are we...?" he felt stupid as he couldn't form full sentences, but she knew what he was saying.

"No," she shook her head firmly. "I'm not, but Addie thought she might be, and I just thought about what would happen if that happened with us because it could. But I don't want it to."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "We're careful, Mer."

"I know," she said. "But I just can't get the fear out of my head."

Derek nodded softly. "I don't know what I can do about that, Mer," he admitted softly. "I wish I did."

She shook her head slightly as she leaned in to press her lips against his. "It's okay," she said. "I really do need to study though."