You're Like Coming Home

33.

The bed was moving. Meredith wasn't sure why or how, but her bed was moving, and it was waking her up. With a groan, she rolled onto her side and reached for Derek, quickly regaining consciousness when she realized that her restless boyfriend was the cause of the moving bed.

Her usually peaceful sleeping boyfriend was thrashing under the sheets, groaning as he tossed his head from side to side.

"No," he whimpered. "No...."

"Derek," she whispered, gently reaching out to touch his arm. "Der, it's okay. Wake up."

"Meredith," he murmured, still lost in sleep. "No....Mer!" He shouted her name and sat up straight, looking around the room with confused eyes, his hair standing up on end as he panted heavily.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, reaching out to place her hands on his arms and press a kiss to his naked shoulder. "It's okay. It was just a nightmare."

"Meredith," he gasped, turning to face her quickly and pulling her tightly into his arms. "Oh, Mer."

"It's okay," she whispered, holding him tightly. "I know, Der. It's okay, just let it out."

"It was you," he whispered. "You were there...instead of Dad."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, inhaling sharply. She wasn't sure which one would be worse for him, the dream or the reality. "I'm here, Der."

"I can't...Meredith, I can't lose you," he whispered, clinging tightly to her. "Please don't leave me, don't ever leave me."

"I won't," she whispered. "It's okay, Derek, I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"Mer," he breathed, clinging to her shirt as his tears began to appear on his t-shirt that she slept in. "My Mer..."

"Shhh," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "It's okay. I love you, Der."

She wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, her rocking him back and forth as he cried quietly, but she knew she was more worried than she had been before. He'd been having nightmares ever since the funeral, but none had him this shaken up, so terrified that his body trembled as he clung tightly to her.

When his tears had finally subsided, he pulled back and looked at her with a shaky smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be sorry," she shook her head, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Derek sighed as he moved to lean against her chest again. "I don't think I am," he said honestly. "Mer, that dream...that was worse than all the others I've had. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Meredith sighed as she held him tightly to her. "I know, Derek," she said softly. "But you can't live your life with this fear. I know you have to deal with your dad, and that's completely understandable. But maybe...maybe it's time things got back to normal."

"There is no normal anymore," he murmured. "Not without Dad."

"You're right," she nodded. "But I don't think he'd like you living like this. You only eat when I practically shove it down your throat and you quit your job. And don't pretend that I haven't noticed those tests you've been failing."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But it just hurts so much."

"I'll help," she whispered. "It's we, remember?"

"We," Derek repeated. He took a deep, shaky breath, tightening his arms around her. "Okay, I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening," Meredith said with a small smile, wrapping his curls around her finger.