You're Like Coming Home

35.

"Where is he?" Meredith demanded, bursting through the doors of the ICU, running to the desk. "I need to see Derek Shepherd."

"Are you family?" the nurse behind the desk asked, her expression unchanging.

Meredith opened her mouth to yell again, but Mark grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "She's his sister," he said. "I'm his brother. Our mother is with him right now, and we just want to see our brother."

"Alright," the nurse said, "right this way."

Meredith yanked her arm out of Mark's grasp and hurried after the nurse. When she led them into Derek's room, Meredith's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Derek's battered body lying in the hospital bed. His arm was in a sling, and a large bandage covered his forehead. Emma sat at his bedside, tears streaming down her face. When she looked up and saw Meredith and Mark, she smiled softly and stood, moving to embrace them both.

"He's...a little beat up but he should be okay in a few weeks," Emma whispered.

"I need...I'm sorry, but can I just have a minute with him alone?" Meredith asked.

"Of course," Emma nodded. "Come on, Markie, let's go call the girls."

They walked out of the room and Meredith took a deep breath before she stepped towards the bed.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek murmured, his eyes still closed.

"What...of course I'm here," Meredith whispered, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Derek, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I needed to get lost after my girlfriend ripped the world out from under me."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she said, "I can't believe you're blaming this on me. You're the one who decided to ride your stupid motorcycle without your help. Some future neurosurgeon. You should be grateful to be alive."

"I'd be more grateful if my bike was still operable."

"Your bike?" Meredith exclaimed. "You're lying here in the hospital, having a crash that almost cost you your life, and you're worried about your stupid bike? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Why are you here?" Derek asked.

"I'm here, because I just got the phone call I've always dreaded," Meredith replied. "I'm here because I love you. I love you, and if you really loved me, you would have thought about how painful it would be for me to lose you. You've been going on and on for weeks about how lost you would be if you lost me. Maybe you should have thought about me and how I would feel if I lost you."

"Well, if you really loved me, you wouldn't have broken up with me," Derek said evenly, turning his head away from her.

Meredith shook her head, tears falling down her face. "Derek, I never..." she started, but he interrupted her. "I'd like to be alone," he said.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered in his ear before she turned and hurried out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind her, she sank onto the floor, her back against the wall as she finally let out the sobs that she had been holding in ever since she'd heard that Derek had crashed his motorcycle.

"Hey, Grey," she heard a familiar voice say as a body appeared next to her. "It's okay, he's going to be fine."

"Mark," she gasped, leaning into his embrace. "It's...he's upset about his stupid bike. He almost died, and all he cares about is his stupid bike. He didn't even think about me. He's been going around for weeks telling me how important it is that he doesn't lose me, but he didn't even think about what it would be like for me to lose him. I know it's selfish, Mark, I know. But I've spent the past two months putting myself aside so that he would be able to have what he needs. And now, just this once, I'm going to be selfish. Because all I want is Derek to be alive and to love me."