You're Like Coming Home

83.

"Mer?" Derek asked, walking down the stairs and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He frowned as he saw her sitting on the couch, curled in a ball as tears streamed down her face. "Mer, what's wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"I'm going to mess him up," she whispered.

"What?" Derek frowned, moving to sit next to her on the couch.

"I'm a horrible mother."

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "That is so not true. What's going on?"

"I...I couldn't sleep," she choked out on the words. "And you...well, you've already read all these books, which makes you a better parent than me already. But I figured I would read them since I couldn't sleep. And the baby..."

"Meredith, you have to calm down," Derek said softly. "Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on?"

"The baby's not growing," Meredith whispered.

"What?" Derek asked, trying not to panic at the thought that there was something wrong with the baby. "How do you know? Are you in pain? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, sniffling slightly. "I just...I'm supposed to have gain weight by now."

Derek frowned for a moment, then reached out to take the book from her hands. "Mer," he sighed. "Every woman is different. You're only seven weeks pregnant, it's completely normal that you haven't gained weight yet."

"But I've lost three pounds," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I can't even grow our baby, how am I supposed to be a good mother if my baby can't even grow when he's inside me?"

"Oh Meredith," Derek laughed slightly, pulling her into his arms. "You're going to be an amazing mother. Pregnancy is different for every woman. And you haven't been eating a lot. That combined with your morning sickness is enough to make you lose a couople of pounds."

"But I'm supposed to be gaining weight," she whispered.

"I'm going to remind you of this when you're eight months pregnant," Derek laughed.

"Derek, I have no idea how to be a mom," she said. "I don't...how am I supposed to know if the baby needs to be changed or fed or held? My parents were horrible, and I have no idea how to do this."

"Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms. "You can't do this to yourself. It's instinct. You're going to be an amazing mother."

"How do you know that?" Meredith asked, sniffling slightly as she looked at him closely.

Derek smiled softly as he reached out to lace their fingers together, bringing her hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. "I remember when you told me that you wanted to start trying to have a baby," he said softly. "You weren't even pregnant, and the look on your face...I'll never forget it, Mer. You were just so excited at the possibility of even having a baby. And ever since we've found out, I've seen the way you just touch your stomach and look down at it with that gorgeous secret smile. And that's what makes me know that you're a fantastic mother. You care about this baby."

"That's really enough?" Meredith whispered. "Because I don't know anything about babies. And I'm really terrified that I'm going to completely screw up our baby."

"You won't," Derek smiled, reaching out to kiss her softly. "All babies need are love. And you have plenty of love to give. I know you're going to love him or her with every ounce of your being, and that's all you need. You'll figure the rest out as you go."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him. "You don't think anything's wrong?" she whispered.

"You'd know more than me," Derek sighed. "But losing a couple pounds is okay. You'll gain them back before you know it. And then you'll wish that you hadn't."