Surviving Cancer

Wednesday, October 25

MACI POV

I sat in the chemo chair, a few days later; I was the first one there.  I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back as the nurse stuck the IV in my port.  My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts.  One minute I was practically jumping with excitement and nerves over the talent show.  I couldn't wait to tell Jonah and Walter.  The next minute I was racking my brain trying to figure out a way to be friends with Jared again. 

"Do you need anything honey?" The nurse asked once she finished.

"No I'm okay, thanks." I said, smiling slightly. 

I didn't even know where to begin with Jared.  How was I supposed to get him back?  I had never had anyone think I was joking.  Most people just got awkward.   My head snapped to the door of the room hearing voices approach.  The same nurse was back with Jonah.  We both waited quietly as the nurse went through the same process of hooking him up.  As soon as she left Jonah started talking.

"I met your mom and brother in the waiting room." He said, I couldn't help but notice he looked more tired than usual.

"Oh yeah?" I said.

"Yeah, I told your mom but it's up to you..." He paused for a minute, his eyes locked with mine.  He had dark circles underneath and his face was gaunt.  "Alicia and I are having a party, I want you to come."

I watched him carefully, he wasn't acting like what I've come to consider his normal self.  He was always so happy, full of life, and confidant.  The man that sat beside me was nervous, tired, reserved. 

"What's the party for?" I asked.

"I'm going to propose to Alicia." Jonah barely whispered as if she may be hiding near by.

"Are you serious?!" I however basically screamed.

He held his fingers to his lips shushing me, "I'm a mess about it.  What if she doesn't say yes?  I mean I can't blame her, who would want to marry a dead man?"

"Jonah shut up, you're being silly." I demanded.  It was plain as day she loved him.  I had only met her briefly a few times while we were leaving treatment.  "She loves you."

He nodded his head, his eyes locked on something on the floor.  "Want to see the ring?"  He asked, I nodded my head as he fished it out of his pocket.  "That was the hardest thing, I had to basically beg her to leave the house alone."

He handed me a little black velvet box, I held it between my fingers, the velvet soft against my skin.  This was something I was never going to get to experience.  I'd never have a guy get down on one knee and proclaim his love for me.  I'd never have a ring on my finger.  I slowly lifted the lid; an absolutely beautiful square cut diamond stared back at me, the light bouncing off the angles and the silver band.    I turned the box ever so slightly watching as the diamond sparkled in the light.

"It's beautiful Jonah." My voice was quiet as I kept my eyes fixed on it.

"You think she'll like it?"  He asked.  I nodded my head.

Jonah didn't ask for the ring back, instead he just sat there watching me watching it.  I was suddenly so angry.  It washed over me like a flood, seeping into every fiber of my being.  I clenched my jaw, snapping the box shut and handing it back to him.  It wasn't fair; it wasn't fair that I'd never get to have that.  Something so many people took for granted.  Jonah was going to get it, Walter had it, and then there was me, the girl who was going to die before she even got to live. 

"Hey," I said, looking up at the chair Walter normally sat in, "Where's Walter?"

Jonah was just finishing wiggling the box back into the pocket of sweatpants.  He looked up at the chair as well before glancing around the room.  "I don't know."