Surviving Cancer

Sunday, December 24

MACI POV

"Merry Christmas." My mom said as she walked into my room.

"Merry Christmas." I smiled even though I didn't feel very merry.

"Levi and dad will be here soon. Levi is moving pretty slow this morning." She said, setting a few wrapped boxes down in a chair. "Santa brought you some things."

"You didn't have to."

I had actually told everyone not to get me anything. They had already gotten me a piano. There wasn't much else to want. At least tangible things. I watched my mom move around my room. She watered the poinsettia that she brought.

"I didn't, Santa did." She said with a smile and a wink.

I shook my head, a genuine smile creeping on to my face. Levi and I had stopped believing in Santa years ago but my mom still went through the trouble of buying Santa wrapping paper and hiding the presents until late Christmas Eve. I loved it.

"So your brother said you haven't been answering his texts. Everything okay?" My mom asked.

I had been ignoring Levi. I didn't know what to say to him. One minute I wanted to scream at him and the next I just wanted to cry. I hadn't told anyone that I knew yet.

"Yeah." I said. My mom just watched me. "No."

"Does it have anything to do with you're coolness toward your dad as well?"

She sat on my bed, folding a leg beneath her, the other dangled off the side. I shrugged, looking down at my hands. I had been trying to keep the fact that I felt betrayed under wraps. I apparently hadn't been doing a good job.

"What's wrong?"

I let out a sigh, looking everywhere but at my mom. There was no way she didn't know. I mean she had to, right? My dad wouldn't have kept that from her. If she didn't know, I didn't really want to be the one to tell her. But I also needed to tell someone.

"Jennifer said something yesterday." I decided to test the waters and navigate slowly.

"Okay."

"About when she had us." I continued.

I watched my mom closely, waiting for any sign that might tell me she already knew.

"And?"

"Apparently Levi already knows."

She stared at me for a minute and I held her gaze. She finally sighed, breaking the eye contact.

"I know." She said.

"You do?" I wasn't sure why I sounded so shocked, it was what I was hoping for.

"Of course I do."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked, my eyebrows pinched.

She sighed again, gathering herself. "It wasn't something I felt I should tell. Besides that your father asked me not to."

"But why?"

"Macin, honey, your dad loves you, that's all that matters."

"No it's not." I snapped. "Why didn't anyone tell me? Why did Levi get to know and not me?"

I knew my voice rose. I could feel the heat of anger rush to my face. Why didn't anyone care?

"Levi found out on his own. He went through a box in your dad's office." My mom's voice was short and frustrated. She took a breath, regaining some patience with it. "He hasn't known that long."