Surviving Cancer

Saturday, October 14

MACI POV

I turned off the shower, grabbing my towel off the towel bar and wrapped it around myself. It was homecoming today. I was mostly excited with a little bit of nervousness mixed in. I toweled my hair off the best I could, letting it do its thing so the hairstylist could see it naturally. I grabbed a long red and black flannel shirt and a pair of leggings. I found a pair of boots and checked my phone to see where Jackie was. Neither Levi nor Jackie had said a word about their discussion outside the house the other night. And they weren't necessarily talking either. More like tolerating each other's presence. I had left the invitation open to Jared, letting him decide whether he came or not. Levi also had invited Emma. In fact I thought that they might still be dating. I wasn't totally sure. I sat on my floor and grabbed my notebook that I normally wrote my songs in. I had started a bucket list just like Jonah and Walter had insisted. It was getting longer every day. Most of which I'm sure I'd never get to do but nevertheless I wanted to. At least I could do some of them. I read threw my list, circling the ones that I knew I'd be able to do. I starred the ones I really hoped I'd be able to, even if they were far fetched.

"Hey honey, ready to go get Jackie, your appointments are soon." My mom said poking her head into my room.

I closed my notebook, jumping to my feet, "Yeah, I'll text her!"

I grabbed my coat and slipped my feet into a pair of boots. I went down the hallway to Levi's room. He was passed out in his bed. I closed his door, deciding not to wake him up before I basically ran down the stairs. My mom was waiting by the door, her purse in hand.

"Ready!" I squealed, grabbing my coat and yanking the door open. "I'm so excited!"

The best part about dances was getting all dressed up. I loved going and getting my hair and make up done and putting on a fancy dress I'd only wear once. It made me feel like Cinderella and what girl didn't want to feel like that at least a few times in their life. I sat in the front seat next to my mom fiddling with the dials on the radio.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as she drove.

"Good?" I said, glancing up at her confused. "Oh, not bad."

"Are you tired or sick? Anything like that?" She asked, I shook my head no. "Have you lost any weight?"

"Not that I've noticed." I said quietly. "When are we telling the school?"

I knew that we had to, I just wasn't sure I was ready yet for everyone to know. I was much more comfortable with people finding out on my own terms.

"Your dad wants to do it this week." My mom placed her hand on my leg, squeezing lightly. "It's going to be okay Macin."

"I know." I said, "Will you make him wait till the end of the week please?" I looked at my mom, her eyes meeting mine. "I just want one more week before everything changes."

"Of course baby. I'll do what I can."

There was no more hiding the fact that I had cancer. I mean I had a port bulging out of my chest, there was definitely no hiding that. I was going to see if the hairstylist would leave my hair down and to the side to hide the stupid little thing. But really my cancer was back and there was nothing I could do about it. I just felt like I had to get to Jared before someone else. He had been honest about Matt and he really had no reason to be and yet I was still holding back the fact that I had cancer. Even if he did walk away after that, he needed to hear it from me. I owed him that.

"What if I'm not okay? What's going to happen then?" I asked quietly, the excitement I had a few moments before gone.

"You will be, don't think like that." I nodded my head, more for her sake then my own.