Surviving Cancer

Friday, October 27

JACKIE POV

"Hey babe." Greg said as he opened the door to his house. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around my waist and kiss me.

I let him pull me into the house, my arms snaked around his neck. We parted moments later, as I peeled myself out of my coat.

"My dad's not home." He said, standing by as he watched me.

I nodded my head, my thoughts were elsewhere and I had this knot in my stomach. I felt horrible for what Levi and I had done to Greg. I should have never gone over to his house that night; I knew what he wanted the moment my phone had rang. But I did anyway. There was something about Levi and I just couldn't stay away.

"Is everything alright?" Greg asked, I still hadn't been able to say anything to him.

It was different at school, I could tell him about what happened in my class or how I couldn't stand one of my teachers. But here, standing in his house all I felt was guilt. And that guilt was just about suffocating me.

"Yeah everything's fine." I said, giving him a small smile.

"Are you sure? You seem...different." He pressed.

I let out a sigh, wrapping my arms around him. I rested my head on his chest as he folded his arms around me. "No everything isn't fine."

"What's wrong?" He pulled back a little so he could look at me.

"Could we go to your room or sit or something?" I asked. He nodded his head, his face full of concern as he led me to the couch in the living room.

He gave me a minute to sit and get comfortable before he asked again. "So what's up?"

I took a deep breath, I felt shaky. Could I really sit there and tell him I cheated on him? With his best friend of all people? Or was it one of those situations where I should not say anything and live with the guilt as my punishment? I looked up, his blue eyes waiting patiently for me to talk. I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt him. He was so sweet, he didn't deserve it.

"Maci has cancer." I blurted instead.

A look of relief washed over Greg's face, "I know."

"No I mean, it came back." I said, Maci had said Greg knew that she once had it.

"I know." He said again, I pinched my eyebrows together in confusion and he continued. "Levi told me."

"How long have you known?" I asked. This whole time I had been keeping it a secret and I could have been talking to Greg about it. Instead I thought the only one I had to confide in was Levi.

"Same day they found out." Greg said. "Levi told me not to say anything." I shook my head. I knew I shouldn't have felt irritated but I was. I felt played almost. "How long have you known?"

"She told me Monday after they found out." I fussed with the hem on the long sleeve shirt I was wearing. "Is it bad that I'm sort of mad?"

Greg grabbed my hands but I kept my eyes down. "Why are you mad? Because Levi told me first?" I shook my head yes, that wasn't all of it but I wasn't going to elaborate on the rest. "I don't know. I guess maybe just think about how Maci felt. She was probably scared, people don't do things like they normally would when they're scared."

I looked up, my eyes dancing between Greg's. Did that apply to Levi? Was he just acting out because he was scared? But what was my excuse? I still wasn't sure what I thought of the whole thing. I understood that Maci had cancer. But how bad really? I mean how was I supposed to feel? People our age didn't die, we were too young. She was going to be fine.

"Are you scared?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know really. I still feel like it's a dream or something."

"Yeah me too." I mumbled.

Greg and I sat there, our legs folded underneath ourselves. He had a little stubble that lined his jaw; he always went a few days without shaving. His eyes were locked on mine, he wasn't smiling but he wasn't sad. He was just there, just like I was, wondering what the heck we were supposed to be feeling.

I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I liked how Greg and I were. It was easy, it was simple. There was no drama and baggage. Levi came with drama and baggage, even if it was Maci. I wanted to be best friends with Maci even with everything she was going through, even if she didn't make it. But I wasn't sure I wanted to be Levi's girlfriend while his sister died. That was completely different. Greg pulled me down on top of him so we were lying on the couch. He paused between kisses, his hands tangled in my hair.

"Levi's going to be so fucked up if she dies." Greg said.

I nodded my head, wanting so badly to say he already was.