Shut Up & Listen

18. Maverik & the times (2)- Holle's interlude

[Holle (Williams) George , 31]

November 2005

Sprawled across the bed in a overesque fashion, I watched his back rise and fall in the heaviness of his grief induced slumber. To scream, is what I wanted. I wanted to yell at him to wake up and leave but i'd never seen him look so at peace. He deserved peace even in the chaos he's caused everyone and himself.

Watching him sleep reminded me of what it must feel like to be loved unconditionally— like how I love him.

I sat on the bed in a small space I felt he'd left open for me and rubbed his back. I played in his hair, soothingly erupting him from his dreams. Whispering in his ear to wake up. "I'm here daddy, wake up for a second." I cooed, face close to his as his eyes began to flutter I moved back and reached underneath my nightstand feeling for that cold metal.

Before he could even sit up, I held it to his head, pressing it against the back of his head forcing him to pause. He was frozen.

He didn't say a word and neither did I. For a second, we just looked into one another's eyes— equally afraid for our lives. Both afraid of the future. I want him so bad it hurts. And I hate him. But I love him and he needs to know.

"Baby."

"Don't baby me." I mumbled, not wavering or shaking. My hand was strong, steady. I held that thing to my husband's head with fierce fire flowing through my veins. If I could blow his head off I would. But he doesn't know that I can't.

"I swear to God if you move I will blow your head off."

"Holle." He tried to reason, but I took my free hand and gripped his fat lips with a squint.

"Shut up, nicgga." I rushed through gritted teeth. "Don't you say nothing." I warned him, letting his lips go with extra force, causing them to go red with tiny scratches barely making blood.

"You got two new born infants in that room." I tried to speak as my breathing became more staggered. "Only one of 'em came outta my coochie, Maverik. The other one has a dead mother that you've cheated on me with for years. Three children?" I scolded him in a hushed tone.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" I stared into his puffy eyes. "To not know why it's happening to you? Why me?" I asked, "Right?"

He tried to look away, I could smell the guilt in his breath. I smacked him making his head hit the pillow and bounce back against the gun. "Look at me when I'm talking to you."

He did. He looked at me. And he didn't look away. I got close to his face where are our eyes were leveled and told him, "You're a monster. You're the monster. You did it. She died having your baby. You killed her and now her children are going to grow up without parents because i'll be damned if I raise another woman's kids."

"No, I not giving them up." He dared and I jerked pack, moving my piece from the side of his head to his forehead. I cocked my shit back, never blocking our gaze.

"They can be foster kids or they can be orphans my baby. Choose. Me and my son will return after you take care of it." I pointed the gun between his eyes. "Embarrass me again and I won't hesitate."

I got off of the bed and put on my shoes, never looking back. I went into the nursery and picked up my baby. Our bags were already packed at the front door where my dad and brother were waiting for us. A tear rolled down my cheek as I walked away from my dream home, dream life and dream family. Standing beside them was the truth. I'll never forget what Cliff did, that's the reason he's still in our lives. He's the reason me and Maverik made it. He did what Mav would've never done. He told me the truth. He held his friend accountable.

P:January 31, 2024