Fate of our life (Niall Horan - Completed)

EIGHTEEN

Olivia's POV

When I wake up again, I lay in bed, in my white sheets, wearing the same clothes as last night. Even though I drank a lot, I can remember everything. Every step I took, every drink I had, every word I said to Adam, every word I said to Korra. Every little thing. To my surprise, my head doesn't hurt but my body feels numb. It's Saturday and few months ago, today would be the day I would have to work at the library. But I quit the first on Monday of this year. To be honest, I didn't have a particular reason and just wanted to sleep in on Saturdays. Now I don't have anything planned, except for maybe going swimming, but I'm not in the mood for that.

Yet, I sit up and get out of bed. I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My face looks surprisingly normal, like I didn't have too many drinks last night, like I don't have the worst days of my life behind me. Suddenly I get the strong urge to throw up. As quickly as possible, I run to the toilet and everything comes out.

The following days are kinda like that. I throw up in the mornings, get ready for the day and head out to class. After classes, I get food and go home. At home, I either cook if needed or just eat. And after eating I study, read a book and go to sleep. That repeats over and over again. I've already goggled why I'm throwing up every morning after the third morning in three days and apparently it's either food poisoning or high stress levels or (worst case scenario for me) pregnancy. I instantly ruled out the last thing. I can't be pregnant, right? Niall and I only had sex two times and I can't be pregnant. I just can't. So I thought that it's because of stress and accepted it. It has been two weeks since I was out with Adam and four weeks since Niall and I broke up. Since then, I learned to accept things. Kinda. I accept everything that I can accept. I try to not think about stuff too much and that's probably the best or else, I wouldn't know how to live my life.

It's Saturday and on Monday it will be officially one month since Niall and I broke up. Something about today is weird. I've managed to not think about Niall and what happened since I had that complete break down at the club a couple of weeks ago, but now everything comes up in me again. And the weird part is that I don't start to cry. I don't even feel tears building up in me or anything like that. I just lay in bed and look up at the ceiling as everything plays in front of my eyes. It's like I'm watching my life as a movie. I try to direct it, tell myself what I should have done instead that would maybe not bring me to where I am now. I tell myself things that I should have said instead of the things that I actually said. And then it comes up: You said you could never cope with up and downs. It's distracting, you said, a waist of time. But instead of asking myself if this is still accurate of what I feel, I ask myself if that was ever true. I shouldn't have said it because it wasn't true. The months before just showed that I was actually able to cope with up and downs. I was strong enough, but I guess that it got too much, too much to deal with, too much to handle.

It knocks on my door and I push my bed sheet to the side. I get up and open the door, after looking through the peephole. "You again?" I laugh and open my arms.

"Funny again?" Ally asks and hugs me. When we pull apart, she follows me into the room after closing the door. "So can you come with me today?" She wants to know and sits down on my bed.

"To--" I cut myself off when I put my hand in front of my mouth. With the other hand I hold my stomach and then I run off again to throw up in the toilet.

"You should seriously get yourself checked." Ally says and follows me to the bathroom. She holds my hair back and rubs my back. "You could be pregnant, you know." She says and I'm afraid that she might be right. Food poisoning doesn't last that long and my life isn't that stressed anymore. I've got a routine now and everyday is pretty much the same. But I don't want to be pregnant. And don't get me wrong, I'd love to have kids one day but not today or anytime this year or next year. After all, I don't have a job, I still go to uni, I don't have the money to raise a child, I don't even have a father for a child. I have a small apartment in London, I get money from my parents and I'm the most single person ever right now. I just can't be pregnant.