Fate of our life (Niall Horan - Completed)

TWENTY

Niall's POV

I lay in my bed, alone, and scroll through the conversations that Olivia and I had in the last few months and days, when my phone rings. Louis is calling. "Oi mate!" He exclaims when I pick up.

"Hey." I say and run my fingers through my not styled and messy hair.

"Are you coming today?" He asks. Louis and Liam are writing on a few songs for the album together and originally it was planned that I'm writing with them, but because of my knee surgery, I can't find a lot of time to join them. I have a lot of doctor appointments and miss out on more than just a few sessions. Ever since I came back from LA a week ago, Louis has been trying to get me to the studio and even though I always say no, it's nice of him to still call and ask me anyways.

"Nah, I can't, mate. I got an doctor's appointment today... again." I explain to him and look over to my crutches.

"Are you still walking with crutches?" Louis asks as if he knows that I'm looking at them and I nod even though he can't see me.

"Yep."

"You better get rid of them before the tour, mate." Louis says, reminding me that we'll start the new tour in a couple of months.

"I'm trying." I tell him and take a deep breath. "I'll call you later or tomorrow, alright? I'm starving right now."

"When are you not?" Louis burst out laughing and I chuckle a little. "Did they take your laugh out during the surgery or did you just loose it in LA, Niall?" He asks when he notices that I'm not full on laughing like he is.

"No, I-I'm just hungry." I lie. The truth is that I haven't fully laughed since the break up. It has been over a month since I last saw Olivia. A month since I last spoke to her. A month since I last heard her voice. I miss her every day, every second, every minute. Ever since I came back from Los Angeles, I can't get her out of mind again. During the time I was away, I manage to at least not think about her constantly. I managed to distract myself from thinking about her but it's so hard when everything just reminds me of her. Literally every little thing.

When I see a girl with curled brown hair, I always think that it's her and then I see that it isn't. When I see a girl reading the same books as her, I always wonder if she's as smart as her. When I see a girl just smiling, it reminds me of her smile and all the times I was able to make her smile.

Now I'm back in London and I miss her even more. I didn't think that that would be possible but apparently it is. I hate knowing that we're so close so each other. I hate knowing that she's probably sitting in a class or at home studying or writing or reading. I hate knowing that she might have continued to live her life like things between us never happened. I hate knowing that she might be better off without me.

But do I really know those things?

What if she actually moved away, to another country, maybe to another continent because she knew that the time would come that I'd be back in London? What if she's not in class or at home studying because she's too broken to do so? What if she didn't continue to live her life like things between us never happened? What if she isn't better off without me?

To be honest, I like to think that she's better, happier, without me, because I can't imagine her being broken. I don't want to imagine her being sad because of me. That's not what I wanted when I drove away.

I haven't cried since New Year and I haven't done much either. I just prepared myself for Los Angeles and the surgery. When I was in Los Angeles, I distracted myself. I met up with old friends and met new people, made new friends.

After the surgery, I just stayed in bed and got room service. I imagine how it would be with her by my side. I imagined how it would be if everything went like planned. Olivia would be by my side, always. She wouldn't leave me alone, she wouldn't ask if I want to be left alone like my bodyguard. She would sleep with me in the huge bed and she would cuddle into my side. I would hold her close to me, stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. I would stay awake and make sure that she's asleep before I even think of sleeping. I would make silly jokes to make her laugh and I would hold her tightly when she gets scared of the horror movie that we would watch when neither of us could sleep. She would play my little nurse. She would get me loads of McDonalds like planned and she would call me and talk to me on the phone while she's away so that I wouldn't feel lonely. She would feed me french fries when I hold her in my arms, so that I wouldn't have to take an arm away from her. She would make me laugh by tripping over my crutches. She would make me feel bad for laughing at her even though she would laugh herself.