hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 3

Dear Daisy,

I've been through hell since you're away. I start believing your father. I don't want to but he is so convincing. We went to the hospital and the doctors said I had a shock. I refused to believe everyone, until now. I can't believe this is happening. I've been crying for the last few days straight. The doctor explained me the whole situation. He said I wasn't in a normal state, my brain didn't let this in. It's a kind of protection from the reality, the real life, the one where your love dies in a car accident. I still can't believe that you're gone, forever. I still feel you and smell your clothes you wore only a week ago. Everything is so new now. You're not here anymore, how am I supposed to be happy? I don't think I'll ever find a reason to smile again. Not without you, you were the source of my happiness since the day we first met. I laughed at things because I know you were there and laughed along with me. I woke up every morning because I knew you would be there, grinning at me and asking if I slept well. I would answer yes because I slept next to you and I'd kiss you and make breakfast and sometimes even make the dishes, only to see you smile when you enter the kitchen. So why would I smile now? Why would I want to wake up? Why would I still want to live? My life is so fucked up. Everything changed. I don't see why it's worth living it. How cruel can life be? How can the gods take someone like you out of all the people that could die? Why you? We just got engaged and moved in a new flat. You're still so young, only 23. Why would anyone be so cruel to me, and take me away the only thing my heart beats for? Daisy, people are cruel, so cruel and they're mean and heartless and ignorant snobs. If they only knew what I'm going through right now. I mean I'm writing my dead fiancé. You'll never read those letters, but still. It helps. I believe you hear me, I do believe that you're in heaven now, a place where no cruel people can do you no harm. You're just waiting for me to come, and I promise you, it won't take too long. I just have to fix some things here. Then I'll come to you and we can become happy in heaven. We can all the things there, without all the people who tell us that we're too young. They're too old.

I think I don't have anymore tears to shed, I cried for so long. I'm a heartbroken man, my other half is away, gone. I need you to feel good, I need you touch me and kiss me. I miss your voice, they way you sang in the shower and before you went to bed, when you stood in the kitchen, your voice is what I miss. I miss you calling my name when we made love and the scratches on my back. What about the pain you caused me? I miss the pain. The pain to be away from you is much worse though. Not being able to see you, touch you and kiss you. I swear I'm a pathetic mess. I'm heartbroken and weak. I turned my phone off this morning. I don't feel like answering my phone, all I seem to do is cry actually. It really took long to take a pen in my hand and write.
A few hours ago I shaved and cut my cheek, it did hurt a little but to be honest, I liked the pain the razor causes me. It reminds me that I do feel something actually. Besides the tears pouring down my face, of course.

I miss you Daisy. I miss every single part of you. You have no idea how cold it is here, without you. The window won't close properly, I tried, believe me. There's always a cold air in the flat. Your things are still untouched. I haven't got the energy looking at them, it would just scratch the wound open again, but believe me Daisy, I'll pack them in a suitcase and bring them to you, with all my things as well. It won't take too long, I promise Daisy. I'll join you in heaven soon. I just have to find a way to leave this place.

I love you Daisy