hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 38

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Songs:

Say Something - A great big world

Diana - One Direction

All of me - John Legend

Dear Daisy,

I've read a little further in your journal and I have to say, I did cry at some points. Your words are quite captivating and emotional.

Sometimes I think of just closing the book and never open it again, but in a way, it would be a waste of information not to read it. It would be like throwing away chocolate when you see someone craving it. It would be stupid of me since that's the only thing that contains not shared information, at least some things in it.

About forty percent of what's written in your journal are things I know about, or at least things I was a part of. It's the same stories that are in my memory, just from your point of view.

Instead of having my image in my head, I have the one you have of it. I can see how you looked at world, I can see what bothered you, I have the possibility to know of things you kept to yourself, things you didn't want the world to know.

You didn't want me to know. That's why you had a journal, to say things you couldn't have said just like that. And believe me Dase, I hate myself for giving you that feeling. The feeling of not being able to tell me things, even if those things weren't big deals, I wanted to know of them. I wanted to talk to you about things that bothered you and things that made you sad, as well as happy. Maybe those things made you lose your mind so you didn't even know what to think at some point.

I wanted to be there for you, as a listener and a good friend, as someone you can trust and someone you can hug, as well as kiss. But I guess I couldn't.

I have decided that the entry from the 18th September is my favourite.

18th september 2009

harry. he makes me so happy. i think we might be dating, i'm quite sure we are. i don't know, things are not that clear unfortunately. last night i came over to him, we wanted to watch breakfast at tiffany's. he told me he had never seen the movie before, so i had to make him watch it. i think it's the best movie ever made, as long as i live, the world won't make a better movie than that one.

so when i got to him he kissed me, like actually kissed me again. he does it every time we see each other but each time it feels so new and so unexpected. his lips do feel very familiar since we kissed a whole summer long. america is still so much on my mind. two months with him alone were something really important for me, for him. also does the sex feel different now, back in america during holiday, the sex was mostly drunk and not so loving. it wasn't like yesterday when his touch was so much softer and his hips so much slower. it was a whole new experience, this kind of sex you do because you love the other one, not because you were drunk or horny.

also did he thank me when we ate our breakfast. he wanted to tell me that he is grateful to have someone like me, someone he can love. he did say that he loved me, or at least that's what i think he said. that explains why we made love to each other yesterday and not sex.

i think i really fell so very much in love with harry styles.

Reading this entry awakes so many good memories I had almost forgot. It made me realize what a grate time we had, how adventurous our relationship once was. Everything was new back then, no matter what we did, we did it for the first time, that's why everything seemed so exciting. I remember watching breakfast at Tiffany's. I only watched you during the whole movie, I looked closely and smiled at your expressions. You loved the movie so much, you even made me love it.

Also was this entry only two months before we moved in together, it was the time you started University and when we took the same classes just to be close to each other. Uni time was nice, when you were only nineteen, barely even an adult and already trusted me so much that you moved in with me. It was really nice. I miss this time.

And you know what I found? My old philosophy copybook. I found it in one of those cardboard boxes at your parents.

I wrote very deep things in it, for instance I wrote about the sky at night, about how the longer you stare, the more stars appear. I said that when people complain about the sky being so empty, without any stars on this almost perfect image, it means they don't deserve to see the beauty of the stars. You have to take your time to see the stars and the longer you look the more stars appear and the prettier they get. Only people who take their time to look at the little things in life will see the stars shine in the sky. Those people will be able to wish for something, their wishes will be fulfilled, not the wishes of the ones who look past this beauty of the night.

I think there's a lot of meaning behind this. The stars represent happiness. You have to go through a hard time and through things in life you don't want to face until you can enjoy the happy days, the days where everything seems to be perfect. And to be able to enjoy those days, you have to wait, you have to wait until the stars appear so you can watch the beautiful night sky, full of those pretty little lights that make you think about life and how small we all really are. How small your problems are and how little we actually mean.

We take ourselves way too seriously and think we're better than others. Just think about wolves. They do it right, they're awake at night time when all the bad sleeps and all the dreamers live their dreams. They look up to the moon and sing to it, they might have a dream and their dreams might fulfill themselves. Wolves can enjoy the beauty that the night really contains, the amazing view we have from here, beneath all the good and bad. They face the moon and talk to it, they are understood and they are heard by whatever is up there, if it might be a god or some other power, maybe it's just an illusion, or something we made up so we have someone to blame things on, no matter what it is that watches up there, wolves are heard, we, humans are not.

At the end, all we are is just lost, somewhere under the sky, alone in the night, praying, wishing and hoping the stars will be with us.

I love you Daisy

-

i did find some time to update, but I can't promise another one this week, I'll try though.

I hope you like this letter, I personally felt very inspired while writing :)

Thank you for 9.9k reads and over 800 votes :)

X Olivia